Warning! This article is purely a work of fiction and creative writing. It has no connection to real life or actual crimes. The authors are not responsible for any misinterpretation of this material.

Getting Rid of a Corpse: An Overview

Today, we’ll discuss the theoretical process of disposing of a corpse. Don’t ask why this is being written or who might need it—life is unpredictable. This article may be useful to anyone, or to no one at all. Imagine a situation where you have a corpse on your hands, and you’re responsible. Law enforcement doesn’t care about the victim’s character, so here’s a manual compiled from various sources.

Method #1: Disposal in an Apartment

If the body is in your apartment, getting rid of it isn’t hard, but it will take time—no more than two days, depending on the method. First, consider the circumstances:

• If the deceased screamed “Help! I’m being killed!”—neighbors have likely called the police. You have about five minutes to come up with a story (like self-defense) or to leave, taking all personal items and locking the door.
• If the victim only made a short noise—neighbors may be unsure. You can act as if nothing happened, make some noise to cover it up, or just stay quiet and keep the lights off. If police knock, don’t answer; they won’t break in without clear evidence.
• If everything was quiet—good job.

Once the body is ready, blood will pool around it. Quickly drag the body to the bathtub to minimize mess. Remove your clothes to avoid stains. Once the body is in the tub, cut arteries (neck, elbows, knees, groin) to drain blood. Clean up any blood from the floor and furniture while this happens.

Disposal Techniques

1. Dissolving the Body
   Household drain cleaners (like Tyret-Turbo or similar) can be used. Buy about 10 liters, and dilute with water (no more than 50-75%). Avoid products containing lye. The process takes at least 18 hours. To save on chemicals, remove clothing and internal organs, which can be flushed down the toilet. Limbs can be separated for compact placement in the tub. After dissolving, neutralize the acid with soap or baking soda, then flush with water. Dispose of any remains in a river, ditch, or landfill. Destroy or burn any bloodied clothing.
2. Dismemberment
   This method allows you to remove the body in parts without drawing attention. Use a knife to cut through tissue and a hacksaw for bones. Place parts in strong plastic bags, then in a duffel bag or backpack. Options for disposal include:
   • Transporting by car to a forest (risk: police checks).
   • Using a scooter or motorcycle to reach remote areas.
   • Carrying bags on foot during the day (less suspicious), using public transport if needed. Dig a hole in a forest or park, preferably in a bag to hide bones. If the head is removed, identification becomes much harder.

   Never leave remains in public trash bins—homeless people, janitors, or surveillance cameras may expose you. Exotic methods include feeding remains to dogs or piranhas (jokingly suggested).

3. Burning
   Effective but requires a furnace, so only possible at a country house. Dismember the body and burn it with firewood and gasoline if needed. This method is sometimes chosen for religious reasons.
4. “Leave and Run”
   Some simply abandon the body in a public place or river. In the past, police would sometimes push bodies to another jurisdiction to avoid paperwork. If you choose this, leave quickly and beware of cameras and witnesses.

Method #2: Quiet Disposal at Home

If you have a fresh, quiet corpse at home and no police visit is expected soon, here’s a step-by-step plan:

1. Go to a hardware store and buy:
   • 20 meters of thick plastic sheeting
   • An electric meat grinder
   • Large plastic buckets
   • Trash bags
   • Stretch wrap
   • A canister of gasoline
   • Paper towels
   • A wide board (for tools)
   • Large wire cutters
   • A wood saw and spare blades
   • Several good box cutters
   • A hammer and wide chisel
   • Work gloves
   • Potted plants (for cover)
   • Stones or bricks for weight

   All this should cost about 3,000 rubles or less. You’ll need to throw everything away afterward, so don’t buy expensive brands.

2. At home, strip down to your underwear (all clothes will be ruined and must be discarded). Prepare a well-lit area near the bathroom, cover everything with plastic, and make a body-shaped depression with rags to absorb fluids.
3. Open windows and faucets. Lay the body on its back. Put on gloves and have a drink for courage. Cut off the clothes and bag them.
4. Make an incision from throat to groin, use the chisel and hammer to open the chest, remove organs, and grind them up to flush down the toilet. Drain as much blood as possible, scoop it into a bucket, and flush it as well.
5. Dismember the body: saw off the head (use the chisel for the spine), remove as much flesh as possible for the grinder and toilet. Wash small bones in the tub. The remaining skeleton (without hands and feet) can be sawed apart. Clean and dry the bones, pack them with stones and paper towels in trash bags, and wrap with stretch film. Place everything in new shopping bags to look like groceries. The last bag should contain all used tools and plastic.
6. Clean the apartment thoroughly. Take a shower. Burn some food in a pan to mask odors, and don’t wash the pan. Load the bags into your car, cover with potted plants, and drive out of town (ideally with an elderly relative for cover). Dump bones in different bodies of water at least 50 km from the city. Burn the tools and plastic. Get your car cleaned, go to church, light a candle for the deceased, and relax.

Additional Tips

• Prepare yourself by stripping down or wearing a plastic suit.
• Cover all surfaces with plastic and remove anything you want to keep clean.
• Clean thoroughly with disinfectant afterward.
• When opening the abdomen, avoid damaging the digestive tract—cut along the fascia.
• Remove intestines carefully, keeping them intact, and dispose of them with the stomach and esophagus.
• To open the chest, use a saw or large knife.
• For limb removal, a large sharp knife is enough—cut through connective tissue at the joints.
• To remove the head, cut through the tissue between two vertebrae.
• When skinning limbs, separate skin and muscle from bone for easier disposal.
• There are two ways to dispose of the head: remove scalp and eyes, saw open the skull, extract the brain, and clean the skull, or boil the head and dispose of the broth.
• Destroy identifying features (fingerprints, tattoos).
• Disposal of intestines and stomach is easy—they’re similar to pig offal.
• Dispose of skin, organs, and tissue by burning, dissolving, or burying. Each method has drawbacks and is not recommended for home use.
• Grind bones into powder—boil first, then crush with a hammer or mortar and pestle (noisy process). Focus on teeth and skull first.

With some skill and logical thinking, you can completely dispose of a body, but that doesn’t mean all evidence is gone. There may still be witnesses, forensic traces, and biological stains that are very hard to remove.

Sources: The vast expanses of the Internet (https://pikabu.ru; http://vk.com/mental_engineering)