What Is Self-Sabotage?

Self-sabotage is a subtle, subconscious mechanism that resists change and keeps us within our comfort zone. The comfort zone is a familiar state of self-awareness developed over years. This doesn’t mean everything is good in this zone—just familiar. We’re used to our fears, problems, and beliefs, which makes us feel relatively calm and predictable.

However, when we actively pursue growth or improvement in any area of life, uncertainty and instability inevitably arise. We want to move forward, but it’s scary. It’s at the intersection of “I want to” and “I’m afraid” that self-sabotage appears.

In essence, self-sabotage is made up of fears, internal boundaries, and limitations that we may not consciously recognize, but which strongly influence our lives.

How Is Self-Sabotage Different from Fatigue?

It’s important to distinguish self-sabotage from:

• Lack of energy (physical exhaustion);
• Lack of emotional strength (emotional distress).

In these cases, stepping back from an activity is simply a result of overload. Self-sabotage, on the other hand, is when we can do something, but don’t want to. It’s unconscious and often illogical behavior that distances us from our goals.

How Does Self-Sabotage Show Up?

• Procrastination or “not having time”
• Finding reasons why you “don’t need” or “can’t” do something
• Getting caught up in “urgent tasks”
• Wanting to distract yourself with tea, the internet, TV, etc.
• Feeling sleepy right in the middle of the process
• Wanting to sleep longer, more often, or for no reason
• Feeling unwell or catching colds
• “Not having” money for it
• Feeling sorry for yourself
• Suddenly losing interest, and more

As a result, progress stalls, and you become increasingly disappointed in yourself and your self-discipline.

Why Is Self-Sabotage Dangerous?

We nurture dissatisfaction with ourselves and waste valuable energy on it. More importantly, we start to lose our sense of wholeness. There’s a “me” that’s lazy and a “me” that observes and calls for responsibility. In this inner conflict, there are no winners—only fertile ground for complexes and worries.

What Can You Do About It?

First, understand that self-sabotage isn’t your enemy—it’s a part of you. The fact that it shows up is actually a good thing! It’s a signal of an internal conflict. Simply recognizing and bringing this conflict to the surface is already half the journey to success.

How to Identify Your Fears

1. Accept the fact of self-sabotage without negativity. Agree with the process as it is.
2. Identify what exactly is triggering your self-sabotage. Ask yourself: “What is most important to me right now in my personal growth?” That’s likely the root cause.
3. Ask yourself: “What bad (terrible, scary) thing could happen if I do this?” Write down everything that comes up. Don’t overthink it—the most important fears usually surface right away. Pay attention to fears of being rejected, misunderstood, seen as strange, or unloved. Often, these are echoes of past experiences where spiritual or personal growth led to being ostracized or even punished. The main fear is often the fear of death. Ask yourself: Are you still afraid of “dying” for your personal growth? Is this fear still relevant today, or is it outdated and ready to be released?
4. Look at your fears—this is what you really need to work on. Some may seem silly, but they’re what’s holding you back. Give them your attention!
5. Return to the main process you’re sabotaging. Break it down into small steps and take the very first, smallest step immediately! You may need to take many small first steps as you work through the causes of your sabotage.

If you’ve been sabotaging your creativity, take a step toward developing it. If you’ve been avoiding spiritual practices, do a pleasant meditation or simply breathe through your fear right now. If you’ve been resisting life changes by staying in a job you dislike, start taking steps toward something better for yourself!

Keep listening to yourself—what inside is holding you back?

• Before starting an activity that triggers self-sabotage, remind yourself of the reasons behind it. Realize that if sabotage arises in this area, it’s probably exactly what you need most at this stage of your evolution. With these positive and inspiring thoughts, get started!

Just Be

Here’s an excerpt from a recent conversation with the wonderful Yulia, which inspired me to update this article:

“…I do have fears and doubts, but even more, I think I have confusion like ‘Who am I, what am I, why am I here?’ I feel that if I knew exactly what to do, what was truly ‘mine,’ everything would fall into place easily and naturally. I’ll try to listen to myself… I also want to understand what will happen if I just ‘go with the flow’—what if I don’t try to improve myself or my life? What if I never find my purpose? Will I have to repeat these lessons all over again?”

The best answer to “Why am I here and what should I do?” is simply—to be, to shine, because you already shine. The very desire to know yourself means you are a Lightworker on this planet. As Kryon’s messages say, it’s not so important what you do, but how you do it and how you anchor your Light on the planet.

You can bake pies or climb Everest—what matters is that you exist and you are Light! When you understand this, the race for “something, not sure what” fades away, because the essence is not in achievements, but in being. Be. Be not in doubt, but in a state of joy.

WE EXIST, AND WE CAN CHOOSE ANYTHING, DO ANYTHING. WE EXIST, AND THAT’S WHAT MATTERS MOST.

The quality of our “being” is what depends on us and what’s truly important. You can exist in strength, understanding the importance of your Light and presence on the planet as an old soul. Or you can exist in constant self-criticism and doubt. As Kora Antarova wrote in her book “Two Lives,” some flicker and fade in the wind, while others shine powerfully and steadily. What do you choose?

Let’s return to the desire for heroic deeds, the feeling that we “must” do something. This is mostly the mind at work, responding to the inner urge for self-discovery. But it’s the mind that turns this beautiful, magical process of remembering yourself into a race for results.

If you calm down and find joy in simply being, your heart opens! That’s when you start sharing the joy of existence, smiles, and light—through creativity, work, and communication. The beauty of this journey is that your purpose isn’t tied to a specific activity. It’s tied to the joy and happiness you bring to whatever you choose to do today!

Sabotage is always a break from active effort, whether it’s spiritual practice or changing your life. It’s not condemned from above—it’s simply our choice for a certain period. And this process, however it may seem, helps us appreciate the value of conscious choice—when we’re finally ready to stand up and do something wonderful, valuable, and truly joyful and loving!