Top 10 Mistakes in Persuading People and How to Avoid Them

Very often, we need something from other people, but we don’t know how to ask for it the right way. Even more often, we simply need to persuade someone of something, but in the process, we make a whole bunch of mistakes. Below, we’ll go over the 10 most common mistakes people make when trying to persuade others and share tips on how to avoid them.

Mistake 1: Lack of Rapport

You haven’t established a close enough connection with the person. For example, try asking a stranger on the street to make you some tea—they’ll probably refuse. But if you ask a close friend, they’re much more likely to do it because you have a bond (rapport). When persuading someone, make sure you’ve built a strong connection first.

Mistake 2: Applying Too Much Pressure

Sometimes, people use too much pressure when trying to persuade someone. This creates discomfort, and the other person will try to avoid further interaction with you—maybe even run away! Avoid being overly forceful.

Mistake 3: Applying Too Little Pressure

The opposite mistake is not being assertive enough. If you don’t clearly state what you want and don’t stand your ground, the other person may not realize how important it is to you. Find a balance and be assertive—flexible, but clear in your persuasion.

Mistake 4: Unclear Communication

Sometimes, people’s speech is so muddled that it’s hard to understand. This is a problem if you want to persuade someone. Your message should be clear and easy to understand. Express your thoughts concisely and avoid rambling.

Mistake 5: No Clear Goal in Persuasion

To persuade effectively, you need to know exactly what you’re trying to achieve. Many people make the mistake of thinking they’re persuading someone to buy something, when in reality, they just need to persuade them to come back another time. Know your goal before you start persuading.

Mistake 6: Not Identifying the Other Person’s Values

If you know what the other person values, you can tailor your arguments to what matters most to them. If you don’t, your arguments are much less likely to hit the mark. Take time to understand what’s important to the person you’re persuading.

Mistake 7: The Person Lacks the Resources to Fulfill Your Request

Sometimes, the person simply doesn’t have what you’re asking for. Pay attention to the resources your conversation partner currently has. If they have what you need, then proceed with persuasion.

Mistake 8: The Person Has Their Own Circumstances

People often have circumstances that limit what they can do. Find out in advance if there are any obstacles that might prevent the person from fulfilling your request. Do this during your preparation, before you start persuading.

Mistake 9: The Person Doesn’t Understand Your Language of Persuasion

This is a very common mistake. You’re not speaking the other person’s “language.” For example, people in the same group understand each other because they share a common vocabulary and way of speaking. Be mindful of how you communicate and make sure you’re using language the other person understands.

Mistake 10: You Didn’t Connect Your Request to Their Goals or Compensate for Their Effort

Everyone has their own goals, whether they’re aware of them or not. Build your persuasive message around the other person’s goals. Ideally, the person should benefit from helping you. If they do, their motivation will be much higher, and your request is more likely to be fulfilled.

These are the main mistakes people make when trying to persuade others. Remember, the quality of your persuasion depends on how well you structure your message and whether you communicate in a way your conversation partner understands. Most mistakes happen during the preparation stage—when gathering information about the person you want to persuade.