The Hidden Benefits of Negative Emotions

We’re used to thinking that if an emotion causes discomfort or inconvenience, we should get rid of it as soon as possible. Clinical psychologist Dr. Jade Wu explains why trying to suppress negative emotions is irrational and pointless, and discusses why we need them and how we can use them to our advantage.

Why Can’t I Just Relax?

Why does my brain refuse to let me relax? Why do I lose my temper so quickly? Why do I feel so sad? I wish I could just pull myself together and be a happy person! These are some of the most common questions my clients ask me—and I’ve asked myself the same about my own emotions. We tend to think: “Negative emotions are bad. I want to get rid of them.” That’s not surprising. Fear twists our stomach, anger makes us lose control, and sadness drags down our mood. Sometimes these emotions are so strong that we feel trapped by them.

But why do we have them? Why does our brain play such cruel tricks on us? And how can we stop feeling these emotions?

Are Negative Emotions Really Bad?

Let’s start by analyzing this. Are all negative emotions bad? Should we try to get rid of them? After all, after millions of years of evolution, we still have opposable thumbs because they’re useful, but we lost our tails because they weren’t. So if negative emotions survived this tough selection, there must be a reason.

In this article, we’ll bust myths about anger, decode fear, and learn to appreciate sadness. I’ll also share a “golden rule” for dealing with these emotions and making the most of them.

Fear

Everything tightens up inside. Muscles tense. Heart races. Your body is on high alert, and your hair stands on end. Your palms sweat, and your fingertips tingle. You’re hit by a wave of fear—sudden and powerful, like an electric shock.

Why does this happen? Imagine you’re a Homo Erectus living on the savannah millions of years ago, and you spot a saber-toothed tiger hiding in the bushes. Your thinking brain doesn’t have time to analyze: “This creature looks dangerous, so I should prepare my body for a critical situation.” Luckily, your nervous system doesn’t waste time. It instantly sends an alarm signal throughout your body to prepare you to fight or flee. Of course, this alarm feels… alarming. If it were soothing and pleasant, you wouldn’t take the danger seriously, right?

High blood pressure and a rush of adrenaline help you run faster to your cave. Today, you survive. Tomorrow, too. Maybe you’ll even find a mate and pass on your genes.

So, is fear useful? It can literally save your life! Even in today’s world, where saber-toothed tigers no longer lurk in the bushes, fear still helps us survive. In a dark alley, we get goosebumps. We think twice before making risky decisions. We back away when someone with bad intentions approaches us.

But not everyone reacts the same way in a critical situation. A 2012 study compared the reactions of healthy people and patients with antisocial personality disorder to images of frightening faces. Participants used a joystick to move the images closer or farther away. Healthy participants usually moved the images away. Those with the disorder didn’t even try to avoid them. This response was linked to their level of conscious aggression. The study showed that a lack of fear can be a sign of cold-bloodedness.

Many of us are afraid of things that lead to negative consequences. For example, in a 2005 brain study, healthy participants learned to fear photos of mustached faces. Every time they saw these faces, they felt discomfort from a blast of pressurized air. During this process, the brain area responsible for fear became active and triggered sweating. But participants with mental disorders reacted differently—they didn’t sweat, and their brains didn’t show much activity.

The takeaway: fear not only helps us survive, but also keeps peace among members of a group. If we couldn’t feel fear, anyone we met could be a psychopath, making the world a much more dangerous place.

Anger

Yelling and threats. Things thrown around. Clenched fists. Is this anger? No! That’s aggression.

First, let’s bust the myth that anger and aggression are the same thing. They’re not. You can be furious without hurting anyone. You can even harm someone without feeling angry at them.

Anger is an emotion. Aggression is a behavior.

If anger and aggression were the same, then of course anger would be a terrible feeling. We’d want to get rid of it, and we’d judge others for feeling it. But in reality, anger is a normal, healthy emotion.

Let’s go back to our Homo Erectus ancestor. Imagine a woman who spent all day gathering berries, and I stole them from her. What does she feel? Anger, of course! She probably feels tense, anxious, like a fire is burning inside her. This feeling pushes her to stand up to me (maybe with a club to the head).

If she didn’t feel anger, what would happen? I’d keep stealing from her. There’d be no consequences for me taking advantage of her.

In today’s world, there are more sophisticated ways to stand up for ourselves that don’t involve clubs. If my sandwich disappears from the office fridge, I can express how I feel about it. I can ask for an apology and a promise that the sandwich thief won’t do it again.

By doing this, I not only protect my sandwiches from future theft, but I also boost my colleagues’ respect for me. A 2001 study published in the journal “Personality and Social Psychology” asked readers to rate how often their coworkers expressed various emotions, including anger. It turned out that the more often people expressed anger, the more competent their colleagues thought they were. What’s more, employees who voiced their dissatisfaction when something bothered them were more likely to get raises and promotions.

Of course, I’m not suggesting you walk around the office yelling at people and throwing staplers. Remember, anger is not aggression. Anger tells you that something unfair has happened, that someone did something wrong or hurt someone. There are many ways to respond: you can yell at the source of your frustration, protest peacefully, or use different problem-solving strategies—the key is to make the right choice. In any case, feeling anger isn’t bad—it helps you realize something’s wrong and needs to be fixed.

Now let’s do a 180 and look at another “negative” emotion.

Sadness

This one is complicated. Sadness is heavy and slow. It drains your energy and motivation. How can sadness possibly be useful?

When do we feel sad? When we lose loved ones. When relationships we value end. When we don’t get something we really wanted. Everyone has experienced this.

What would happen if we didn’t feel sadness at these times? There would be no funerals, because the death of a loved one wouldn’t affect us. We probably wouldn’t even value the people still with us. We wouldn’t cherish relationships, because losing them wouldn’t hurt. We wouldn’t know what goals matter to us, because failure wouldn’t throw us off course.

Sadness, on an intuitive level, tells us what we value most in life. It helps us learn from our mistakes and reminds us to appreciate what we have. Along with joy, excitement, and other positive feelings, sadness lets us experience a rich spectrum of emotions that shed light on our values and shape our behavior.

In fact, having mixed feelings is even good for your health. A study of nearly 200 people found that those who tended to feel both positive and negative emotions ended up healthier in the long run. This small but statistically significant detail actually outweighs the benefits of only positive emotions. In other words, having mixed emotions is good for you.

To sum up: negative emotions have a bad reputation because they cause discomfort, and we think they’re useless or dangerous. But in reality, these emotions have their advantages.

• Fear is a reliable alarm system.
• Anger exposes injustice.
• Sadness shows us what truly matters to us.

The Golden Rule for Dealing with Negative Emotions

There’s a golden rule that helps you cope with negative emotions: remember, it’s normal to feel what you feel. Accept the emotion and analyze how it affects you. Don’t fight it, because you’ll probably lose—or at best, just postpone dealing with the problem. Give these emotions time, and they’ll tell you what you need to know to move forward. Just give it a try!

Disclaimer

All information presented here is for informational purposes only. This information does not replace the help of a professional psychiatrist. If you have problems, please consult a licensed specialist.

About the Author

Dr. Jade Wu is a licensed clinical psychologist. She earned her doctorate at Boston University and completed her clinical residency and fellowship at Duke University School of Medicine.