Schizoid, Narcissistic, and Neurotic Ways of Ending Contact

In a balanced state, each of us has three lines of personality development coexisting: neurotic (borderline), narcissistic, and schizoid. When a personality is accentuated, these traits become overly pronounced, and in cases of psychopathy, they turn into grotesque oddities. To illustrate this, I’ll use a metaphor suggested by Danila Khlomov in the article “The Psychodynamic Concept of Personality.”

Imagine a three-headed dragon. Remember how it talked to Ivan Tsarevich in Russian fairy tales? First, the most anxious head would start negotiations. If it sensed a threat to its life, it would nudge and wake up the second head, which was more aggressive and toothy. If the two heads couldn’t figure things out, they’d call on the third—embodying intellect and cunning.

According to the psychodynamic typology of personality, we can talk about modalities of presentation, or neurotic, narcissistic, and schizoid forms of contact. Normally, they complement each other, making experience rich and appealing. But sometimes, one of the “heads” is monstrously overdeveloped—like narcissistic grandiosity—while strategies related to attachment and love are underdeveloped. In such cases, we see a flattening and monotony of experience. Intrapersonal communication between the “heads” is also interesting. For example, a person with a tense neurotic need for attachment and love may be too anxious to express it clearly. They might not even be aware of this need, or they might suppress it out of false shame. In this case, the neurotic “head” silently nudges the narcissistic one, and what comes out in contact is, for example, aggression. Conflict becomes the only possible form of closeness. Or, the narcissistic “head” sees the situation as too dangerous for aggression, so what comes out is rationalization or, as Fritz Perls put it, “chicken, bull, or elephant shit.”

Ways of Building and Ending Contact

1) Neurotic Clinging

The helpless part of the personality is presented in contact: weak, damaged, with an inferiority complex. This person complains, demonstrates dependence on others, and takes a “one-down” position (“the dog from below”). They regress, are fearful, and don’t believe in their own abilities. They are caring and eager to please—sometimes so much that it’s suffocating. Their behavior is obsessive: following someone around, calling a hundred times a day. Physically present, but emotionally and personally “dissolved” in the partner, absorbed by their life, and not living their own. They don’t understand their own needs, don’t set personal boundaries, and can’t say “no.” They sacrifice themselves and gain certain benefits from this, such as emotional blackmail—pressuring with guilt: “I gave my whole life for you, and you…!”

At the moment of separation, out of fear of being alone, they don’t end the contact, but “cling” to the relationship, not letting the partner leave the fusion. In therapy, this shows up as dragging out sessions, not leaving on time, or calling between sessions.

2) Narcissistic Devaluation

What is presented is not the true self, but a “wonderful hallucination”: an improved, polished version of oneself. The glamorous self is a protective mask, formed out of fear of being exposed. The danger is the possibility of revealing deeply shameful defects: imperfection, inadequacy, and worthlessness. Expectations of the Other are also unrealistic. At first, the Other is idealized, but then comes bitter disappointment and punishment for not living up to the ideal.

Ending contact is abrupt, ruthless, and involves devaluing the relationship, making it impossible to integrate the experience or claim any real result. The very concept of “result” is specific for the narcissist. Once the narcissist has established a relationship, the reason for it (closeness, friendship, love) no longer interests them. It’s like hunting not for food, but purely for sport. As soon as the goal is achieved—the prey is caught—it can be discarded. By devaluing the other, the narcissist inflates themselves and fills the entire space of the relationship: “I am everything, you are nothing.”

3) Schizoid Withdrawal

Because of their sensitivity and vulnerability, it’s unsafe for schizoids to open up emotionally, so they keep their true feelings inside. Instead of “feeling how,” they prefer to “explain why.” What they present in contact are products of intellectual activity: evaluations, thoughts, explanations, hypotheses, and rationalizations. Often, verbal clutter—informational noise—clouds things so much that real connection becomes impossible. Their conclusions are not based on bodily or emotional experience, but on internalized norms, rules, stereotypes (introjects), or fantasies (projections), so their logic is often paradoxical and unpredictable. They leave relationships because they can’t tolerate the situation, suddenly quitting, saying they’re tired and can’t take it anymore.

Healthy Endings

There are also healthy relationships with humane endings—gradual slowing down and timely letting go, which combine neurotic care for others, narcissistic self-love, and schizoid need for solitude.