Reframing: Managing Meaning and Changing Your Perspective

There is a world where you have absolute power. You rule there, and only you. Even if someone else seems to be in charge, it’s only with your permission—even if you never realized it. We create our own real world! It’s real only for us, and only we control the weather there. We are responsible for everything that happens in it. This world is our Inner World. Any events in the external world are just reasons to change our inner weather. How we use them is our choice.

– Hello! Is that you, darling?
– Yes! Who’s speaking?

The meaning of a message is in the reaction it provokes. You receive a message. Now it’s up to you how to react, what meaning to give it. Who said your responses are predetermined? You always have the option to turn things around to suit yourself.

A soldier comes to the infirmary. The doctor says:
– Listen, you wouldn’t come to me with this nonsense if you were a civilian.
– Of course not! I’d call you to my house.

What happens to us in life is actually quite neutral if you remove all the backstory. Event: “A person misses their flight.” Is that good or bad? Don’t rush to answer. We don’t know enough yet. For whom is it good or bad? For the person? The plane? The airline? The country? Maybe their spouse? In each case, the answers can be very different—ranging from “very bad” to “doesn’t matter” to “wonderful”—all with valid reasons.

And what is “good” or “bad” anyway? In life, even for the same person, the answer isn’t always clear. Maybe they were in a hurry and desperately wanted to catch that flight. Or maybe they’re terrified of flying but had to do it. Now, what if the plane crashes? Was missing the flight lucky or not? Or maybe the flight is delayed, and they win the lottery at home. You never know where you’ll win or lose! We can’t predict what our next action will lead to. Who knows how to react to the next twist of fate?

– I have so many problems right now that if something new happens tomorrow, I won’t notice it until next month.

And then you might forget about it altogether in the chaos of life. There’s a wonderful property in this uncertainty—freedom of choice. We can decide how to relate to anything! The world is so big, there’s always something to be happy about.

– Who did you bring from daycare? That’s not our child!
– Don’t worry, dear. We have to take them back tomorrow anyway.

Worrying undermines your health and shortens your life. Stress and all that…

Miracles Beyond the Frame

Reframing—changing the frame (or point of view) of a statement to give it a different meaning—can bring secondary benefits to the forefront. In NLP, reframing is a powerful tool. It lets you change your attitude toward events—yours or others’—in any way you like.

Two friends meet:
– How are you? asks one.
– I’m suffering from enuresis (bedwetting), complains the other.
– Nothing helps?
– No.
– There’s an NLP office nearby—they can cure anything!
A couple of weeks later, the once-sad friend is beaming.
– Did you go to the NLP people?
– I did!
– Did they cure your enuresis?
– No, but now I’m proud of it!

Reframing lets you step outside your usual worldview and see situations from a fresh angle. You can literally look at things from a side you never considered before and find radically new solutions. Often, your attitude toward an event depends on the frame you put around it.

Imagine a store window with flashing lights, or a bank ad with bars like a prison window. The frame changes your perception. If this book were printed on pink paper, would you see its content differently? Framing really affects how we perceive things.

Frames and Perspectives

A frame is a set of contexts or ways of perceiving something, like a “results frame” or a “rapport frame.” It’s the lens through which we see the world. Want to suffer? The suffering frame is right there. “Isn’t this awful?!” We try that frame on everything around us.

A father drinks vodka. His little son sniffs and grimaces:
– Yuck!
– What did you expect? That your dad drinks honey?

I’m sitting in a chair. Isn’t it awful?! Instead of lying down and staring at the ceiling, I have to sit and write a book! Instead of going outside for fresh air and exercise, I’m stuck indoors. Isn’t it awful?!

A frog sits on a hippo’s nose and complains to a passing crocodile:
– What a terrible day! It’s been raining since morning, and something heavy is stuck to my butt…

There’s a newspaper nearby. What a mess! Not only does it distract from my main activity, but it also clutters the room. What a disaster! And what’s happening in the country? Just read the paper—it’s the collapse of the economy! How can anyone live like this?!

But you can live like this. Stop. Take off that frame and just look around. “The world is beautiful!”—that’s a much nicer frame. Go explore the world it creates.

A book. The greatest invention of humanity! A treasure trove of knowledge and experience! How brilliant to invent the alphabet—just 26 letters (in English), and so many shades of experience can be conveyed! What a storm of emotions a single printed phrase can evoke! And that’s just a small part of our wonderful world. The world is beautiful!

And in this beautiful world, you can find lots of useful things. “How can I use this?”—ask yourself, and you’re trying on a new frame. The boss criticized my work. Wait! The boss paid attention to my work and pointed out its weaknesses. How can I use this? I can improve it, knowing its flaws. I didn’t have to find the mistakes myself—the boss did it. I can consider his preferences in the future and build a good relationship. I can go to him more often now—I have a great reason! And I can be glad he found the mistakes now, not the day before the deadline. Isn’t it useful to have a boss?

– You have stones in your gallbladder, sand in your urine, lime in your lungs…
– Doctor, tell me where I have clay, and I’ll start building!

Another useful frame: “What can I do about it?” Want a raise? What can you do? You could just dream and complain about clueless management… But it’s more useful to work harder, discuss your salary with your boss, take training courses, or find a better-paying job. Want to be happy? What can you do to make it happen?

Two Types of Reframing

Context Reframing—changing the context of a statement to give it a different meaning: “In what situation would this be an appropriate reaction?”
Meaning Reframing—giving a statement a different meaning by shifting attention to another part of its content: “What else could this mean?”

In one country, a lame, one-eyed, and hunchbacked tyrant ruled. He wanted his portrait painted. The first artist painted him as he was and was executed for insulting the ruler. The second painted a handsome young man and was imprisoned for distorting the truth. The third painted the ruler on a rearing horse, in profile (showing his good eye), and with a cloak hiding his hunchback. He was richly rewarded and became the court painter.

You can change your attitude toward a problem in at least two ways. First, you can literally rename it—shift attention to another side. For example, replace “problem” with “task.” A task is easier to handle. You can solve it now or later, or not at all. But a problem feels heavy and threatening. Take off the “Problem” label and put on “Task.” Suddenly, it seems smaller. Or call it a “Goal,” and it becomes attractive and full of promise—all because of different names.

The second way is to move it to a different context, where it becomes an advantage. A situation without context just hangs in the air—you don’t know how to feel about it. Put it in one set of circumstances—yuck! In another—wonderful!

A young singer asks a professor:
– Do you think my voice is good for anything?
– Of course! In a fire or shipwreck, it’s priceless!

Manure in the garden is fertilizer. In the house, it’s unthinkable! Children’s laughter is wonderful—except at 3 a.m. A free pass during finals is a lifesaver—unless you have to take the whole course exam next semester. A pocketful of cash is wealth—unless a mugger is coming your way…

So, reframing is divided into meaning reframing and context reframing. Meaning reframing changes the picture without changing the frame; context reframing changes the frame without changing the picture.

If you put cottage cheese inside, it’s a pie. If you put it on top, it’s a cheesecake. Both are good, both are tasty!

In the first case, you accept the fact: “Yes, I really weigh 240 pounds.” But you don’t accept the judgment: “I’m fat!” Instead, you say: “I’m solid, significant, powerful, all-encompassing—a big guy!” Such an approach lets you accept yourself as you are, even be proud of it!

Context reframing works differently. You accept the whole situation and shift it to a different area: “Yes, I’m fat. But it’s hard to push me out the door! I’m soft! I’m like a rock for others!” The situation is the same, but it sounds completely different.

A fly agaric and a porcini mushroom grow side by side. Seeing a mushroom picker, the fly agaric says:
– See that guy? He’s going to pick you!
– We’ll see if he picks me, but you’re definitely getting whacked on the head!

In terms of rapport and leading, context reframing is direct matching, while meaning reframing is cross-matching. In both cases, you acknowledge the main part of the message—the existence of an event. In both, you establish rapport and lead. Sometimes you agree with the whole phrase, sometimes just with the fact that triggered the judgment.

Reframing can be used for all sorts of situations and problems. Each type has its best uses. Meaning reframing works well for statements about events, when a neutral event is linked to something significant: “You’re not looking me in the eye, so you must be lying.” “I made five mistakes. That’s terrible!” “She didn’t come to the date. She doesn’t love me.” Here, you can ask: “What else could this mean? How else can I describe it?” The answer might surprise you: “I’m not looking because I’m afraid I’ll fall in love too quickly!” “Five mistakes in twenty pages? That’s a great result!” “She didn’t come—maybe I impressed her so much she got nervous!”

In fact, the foundation of NLP is a grand meaning reframe: “There are no failures, only feedback.” This one shift opened up countless opportunities.

One enterprising man made a fortune thanks to his daughter’s singing lessons—he bought up all the neighboring houses for next to nothing.

Context reframing is great for overgeneralizations: “I’m too cautious.” “I’m too rude.” “I’m not pretty enough.” Instead, ask: “In what circumstances could this be useful?” Place it in a different context: “At least you’ll never get hit by a car!” “At least you don’t keep things bottled up!” “At least you don’t have to pose for hours for photos!” Sometimes, old flaws become advantages.

The main goal of reframing is to give someone a new perspective. Sometimes, it’s to shake them out of their rut. Reframing doesn’t have to be true or pleasant—it can be shocking, and that shock can be therapeutic.

“I’m too inattentive…” – “At least you could be assaulted and not notice!”
“I’m too unsociable!” – “At least you won’t catch AIDS.”
“All the girls are always late for my dates!” – “At least you can start dating guys.”

Of course, such reframes are only appropriate when the person can actually change something. Otherwise, it’s just cruel. Sometimes, an even bigger generalization than the one the person is used to can help them hear themselves: “I’m too hot-tempered!” – “At least people can light their cigarettes from you!” “I’m too cheerful.” – “At least you’ll have fun cleaning toilets.”

Still, some people need a jolt, others need comfort:
“I’m too fat!” – “At least it’s hard to push you out the door!”
“I’m not attentive enough.” – “At least you won’t notice someone’s rudeness.”

As you can see, context and meaning reframing blend together. They complement each other in helping us find a positive or humorous view of an old problem.

And finally, sometimes it’s not enough to just change your attitude. Sometimes, you really do need to change something in the outside world. You can stand there reframing all you want when a car is coming at you, but it’s better to jump out of the way.

A female rabbit is divorcing her husband.
– What’s the reason for the divorce? asks the judge.
– My husband is cross-eyed! she replies indignantly.
– Didn’t you notice before?
– I thought he was making eyes at me.
She got carried away with reframing…

From the Collection of the Best Reframes

All kinds of reframes work—funny, serious, hopeful, even scary. The best ones are both new and touch on important personal values. That’s when they really work! Once, I laughed so hard at a reframe someone made for me that I was rolling on the floor. Here are some examples:

• I’m too…
  • …hot-tempered – you’re sensitive and unpredictable
  • …your spark is visible from afar
  • …your flame will melt any coldness
  • …what lively movements!
  • …often don’t finish what I start – you don’t kick people when they’re down and seem very humane
  • …can always start again
  • …you always have something to do
  • I read very slowly – you enjoy reading for longer
  • …you remember what you read better
  • …no one can say you haven’t read the book
  • I work little – you get to rest a lot!
  • …at least you work at all!
  • …you have time to think about it
  • …others only dream of that
  • Those who work a lot work for those who earn
  • You respect your work too much
  • …you’re freedom-loving! – you’ll always find a reason for a revolution
  • …hard to tame unless with kindness
  • …hard to put in jail
  • …you can be happy even alone
  • I often do stupid things – at least you DO things
  • Stupid mistakes lead to creative solutions
  • …you attract attention!
  • …love being the center of attention – you’re always visible
  • …you could be a great host
  • …you have nothing to fear
  • …you’re suspicious – you rarely make mistakes
  • …your boyfriend can’t break up with you first
  • …you think more than anyone
  • …your friends really suit you
  • …I value justice – you know where to find it
  • …you could be an arbitrator
  • …you could be a prosecutor and not worry about big earnings—you won’t have them
  • …you can trade it profitably!
  • …irritable and aggressive – you can stand up to rude salespeople
  • …people won’t bother you unnecessarily
  • …you could work as a bouncer
  • …forgiving
  • …tall – you can see over any crowd
  • …it’s easy to kiss tall guys
  • …you’ll never drown
  • …you don’t have to reach for things or fetch a stool
  • …I react strongly to my friends – at least you have them
  • …they’ll never be ignored by you
  • …it’s not the other way around! It means you care

Quick reframes work too! Before you know it, you’ve already come up with one. It might hit the mark or miss completely. The main thing is that you tried! While part of your mind is processing it, you can come up with a better one. Or not—the important thing is your mind is working in the right direction.

Once, after an exam, I realized I’d left my jacket at the university. I had to go back, carrying a heavy bag, in the heat. My inner dialogue:
– So what! It’s easier to walk without the jacket!
– But my passport’s in it.
– It won’t get lost.
– And my transit pass.
– Okay, let’s go back.
On the way, I thought: “What good can I find in this? What benefit can I get?” My brain was sluggish from the sun. Then—idea! “I’ll buy myself some ice cream!” Then it got easier: “I’ll get more rest before my next class. I’ll see how my classmates did. I’ll spend a couple of hours online! I’ll go home with a friend! I’ll prepare for the next exam together. I’ll cool off indoors! I’ll practice reframing…” I kept coming up with new options, enjoying the good ones. No time for disappointment when you’re busy comparing the best with the good and the useful with the interesting!

All that’s left is to develop the habit of looking for the positive in every situation. Make your first thought: “What’s good about this? What benefit can I get? How can I use this?”

Those who think “scientifically” might wonder: “So what kind of reframing should I do now?” “The princess sighed and started reframing…”

There’s nothing new here. Politicians and debaters use reframing all the time. How else can you turn a situation upside down and find signs of prosperity in an economic crisis? How do you convince the public of the need for war? Simple—change the frame. Focus on another aspect. Did you ever think that the World Wars were times of unprecedented technological progress? Or that many household conveniences were developed by military engineers?

– Why isn’t the economy booming?
– Because happiness isn’t far away.

How do you win any debate? How do you show wit and originality? How do you turn a situation around? By changing the frame. Every joke is built on the effect of surprise, an unusual angle, a break from stereotypes.

Useful tip: “Oil paint stains won’t be as noticeable on your clothes if you never wear them again.”

They say life develops your sense of humor—because without it, you’d hang yourself. Childhood gives you plenty of practice in reframing. In school, “straight-A students” became “nerds.” Smoking became a sign of growing up. The reverse happened too—like pointing out young smokers’ weak lungs and willpower.

A teacher asks the class:
– What do your parents do?
– Store manager! says Masha, and the class cheers.
– Bank security guard! says Petya, and there’s applause.
Vovochka cries:
– My dad is a PhD.
– That’s okay, all jobs are good, the teacher reassures him.

Do you like advertising? I do, lately. Not because “advertising is the engine of progress,” or just for the information, or even for its educational value. I like it for the abundance of reframing and other clever techniques. I enjoy analyzing the tricks in commercials. Remember: “Advertising should tell the truth, only the truth, nothing but the truth. And never—the whole truth”? That’s meaning reframing. The art of setting the right frame. It’s always nicer to see a razor ad with a gentle woman’s touch than with the pain of cuts and burning aftershave…

In short, reframing is a way to find a “fresh solution,” even when there’s no famous mint tablet around…

Reframing Cheat Sheet

• We create our own real world. Every moment, with every message we receive, with every reaction we give. Only we decide what meaning to give a message. Events are so multifaceted that you can find a benefit in any of them.
• Your attitude toward something is determined by the frame you put around it. Change the frame, and your attitude changes. This “reframing” is what NLP calls reframing.
• You can reframe literally: highlight and put information in different frames. This is often used in advertising and wherever you want to set the attitude toward information or just attract attention.
• You can focus on another aspect of a situation—this is meaning reframing. As Kuzya from the cartoon said: “I’m not greedy—I’m thrifty!” Or the classic: “Is the glass half full or half empty?”
• When you look at something against a different background, that’s context reframing. It helps you find cases where a supposed flaw could be an advantage.
• Reframing uses the principle of verbal matching and leading. Context reframing is direct matching; meaning reframing is cross-matching.
• Context reframing is good for overgeneralizations: “I’m too…” or “I’m not enough…” Meaning reframing is useful for judgments: “That means…”
• To work with context, change the circumstances: “But…” For meaning, look for a new meaning.
• The main goal of reframing is to go beyond the usual perception of a problem. Show another side of the same event—sometimes more attractive, sometimes more shocking. Whatever is more useful. Reframing can help you change your attitude to a more positive one when you just need to calm down, or it can spur you to action.