Reality Design as a Method for Working with Traumatic Experiences

Author: Salikhov Boris Akhatovich, Psychologist, NLP Master, Trainer

How Does Subjective Reality Arise?

In our perception, information goes through at least three stages of distortion:

1. Sensory organs give information the form that is physiologically characteristic of each sense. At this level, our perception is a mass of sensations.
2. Cultural environment (upbringing and education) teaches us from early childhood to distinguish individual objects from the mass of sensations. As a result, the world appears to us as a collection of objects-this is the level of so-called objective perception. People living in the same cultural environment easily agree at this level. Objective reality-objects and the processes involving them-is a shared reality for people. The objective picture of what is happening at a certain moment in a certain place is called a situation.
3. Intentions of the perceiving subject make them pay attention only to part of the available objects and perceive the situation in a distorted way (according to their intention). A person’s perception becomes different from that of others-this is the level of subjective perception. This subjective perception becomes the reality in which the person lives. We’ll call the subjective perception of a situation the context. Behind every context is an intention that leads to this perception of the situation.

Representations-Templates of Perception

When a child learns to recognize and name objects, they create many reference images that later serve as the basis for their perception of the world. Representations are previously fixed templates for perceiving objects and situations.

When perceiving objects, a person recognizes what is familiar and usually sees the image stored in their memory rather than the actual object. Thus, what a person sees is the result of their representations at work.

Representations can be active (when perceiving an object), in an intermediate state (when thinking about it but detached), or inactive (not recalled at all). Different representations are organized in the inner world like floating “bubbles” in a clear liquid. Each “bubble” is a representation formed and fixed during life. Some are close to the field of attention, others on the periphery. By focusing attention, a person can “pull” any bubble closer and see the world through its “walls,” shaping their perception, feelings, thoughts, and behavior accordingly.

Wholeness of Experience

Experience is a person’s perception at a certain moment in a certain situation in its wholeness. The natural components of experience are feelings, thoughts, actions, and perception. Experience is holistic; its components are interconnected. Changing one prompts changes in the others. To ensure lasting change when solving psychological problems, all components should be addressed. A full description of experience includes all its components and is used to reinforce new experiences and “program” their appearance in reality.

Three Types of Attitudes Toward Experience

Any experience can become fixed through the adoption of a certain attitude toward it. The three main types are:

1. Closedness-denial or avoidance (lack of awareness)
2. Directedness-striving or desire (focused consciousness)
3. Openness-involvement or acceptance (broad awareness of the whole context)

Each type of fixed attitude corresponds to a psychophysiological state:

• Closedness: tension, immobility, rigidity (“stone” state)
• Directedness: activity, movement, excitement (“fire” state)
• Openness: lightness, relaxation, calm (“water” state)

These states are reflected in body language and speech. For example, in closedness, people use words like “not,” “impossible,” “unacceptable,” “awful,” “get rid of,” “prevent.” In directedness: “want,” “desirable,” “good,” “better,” “important.” In openness: “need,” “should,” “together,” “right,” “appropriate,” “we.”

What Is a Psychological Problem?

A psychological problem is inadequate perception and, as a result, inadequate reaction to a situation. The core of a psychological problem is fixed past experience. The solution is to unfix the experience and change it to a more adequate form. This can be done through awareness, with different procedures for different types of fixation.

Unfixing Accepted Reality

Openness or acceptance arises from the decision about the reality or inevitability of something. Reality is interaction between a person and what they recognize as real. To become aware of reality is to realize with whom/what you interact and how. Awareness of this interaction leads to flexibility.

To break free from the “hypnosis” of a problematic reality, formulate an antithesis to the limiting belief and say it with full attention.

Exercise: Resourceful Statement

1. Choose a context where you feel disappointment, apathy, helplessness, or hopelessness. Focus on it and deepen your sensations. Be aware of the object of your disappointment.
2. Notice your sensations, thoughts, and actions in this context. “Take them off” like old clothes and “set them aside.” Feel your body and breath free from them.
3. Notice other elements of the situation and your interaction with them. What do you do, and what do they do toward you? Identify your limiting belief about reality-why do you act this way? Find other situations with similar dynamics and realize you create your reality through your actions.
4. Formulate a resourceful statement as the antithesis to your limiting belief. Say it. Does it improve your state? Decide to repeat this statement and behavior in future similar situations.
5. Notice changes in your reaction to this context.

Unfixing Avoided Reality

When you feel tension, stiffness, or fear, the source is events you don’t want to allow. But you fear not the fact itself, but the subjective meaning you give it. Often, fantasies are scarier than reality.

Closedness arises from the decision that something is unacceptable. The part of experience that is unsatisfactory is called the symptom. To unfix closedness, join with the symptom-consciously reproduce, imitate, or express all the emotions that arise. This can be your own rejected actions or those of others. Joining with the symptom removes the negative charge and allows you to reinterpret and calmly respond to the experience.

Exercise: Unfixing Closedness

1. Choose a situation where you feel tension, stiffness, or fear. (Avoid situations with very strong fears; if strong emotions arise, use the “Completion of Imprint Intention” technique.)
2. Think about the situation as if you were in it. Notice the tension in your body. Become aware of what you are avoiding (and what you fear when you avoid it). Distinguish between reality and fantasy. Find examples from your past. Continue until the tension fades and you realize what you avoided isn’t as scary as you thought.
3. Now consciously do or imitate what you were avoiding.
4. Notice changes in your reaction to this context.

Unfixing Desired Reality

If you persistently strive for something (good or bad), or feel anger, irritation, or rage in certain situations, these are signs of fixed directedness. The basis is an ideal that cannot be realized right now. The cause of anger is mixing the ideal and reality-demanding the ideal be realized immediately.

Directedness is unfixed by experiencing the full realization of the intention (even if only mentally). Experiencing the desired as if it’s already achieved and being fully aware of the result frees the mind from fixation and gives a sense of choice.

Exercise: Unfixing Directedness

1. Choose a context where you feel anger, irritation, or rage. Recall and enter this state, focusing on the object of your irritation.
2. Think about your ideal outcome. Imagine the most wonderful version, without limits. Experience it as fully as possible, as if you’ve achieved it. Does it fully satisfy you? What is most important in this result?
3. Notice the real situation and describe how it differs from the ideal.
4. Decide whether you want to keep striving for this ideal.
   • If “no”: Can you have what’s most important in reality, at least to some extent?
   • If “yes”: What do you need to do to get closer to it?
5. Notice changes in your reaction to this context.

Reality Design

Perception of situations is created by representations formed in the past. Thus, all perception of reality is a search for the answer to “what is this reality like?” and every representation is a metaphor.

Ask yourself what the problematic situation is like, and you’ll easily find a metaphorical image. Even if these comparisons seem odd, take them seriously. What if you compare the situation to a more suitable metaphor? To change a long-standing representation, it’s not enough to agree with a new viewpoint. The old representation arises automatically. To create a new image and limit the old one, mentally transform the old metaphor into the new one several times, like a computer morphing one picture into another.

Any old representation has a right to exist in certain situations. To limit its effect, contextualize it-identify situations where it’s appropriate. In other situations, adjust the representation based on your inner sense.

Exercise: Creating a Reality Metaphor

Part 1: Creating the Metaphor

1. Choose a problematic context where you dislike the situation, your state, or your behavior.
2. Become aware of your experience in this context. What do you feel? Think? Do?
3. “Take off” this experience like old clothes and set it aside. Feel your body and breath free, change your posture.
4. Notice other elements and your interaction with them. What do you do, and what do they do toward you? What is this interaction like? Create a mental symbol (caricature) of this interaction.
5. Identify your limiting belief about reality-why do you act this way? Say the antithesis to this belief and notice its effect on your state.
6. Contextualize the old reality. In what situations is this interaction appropriate? Is it appropriate now?
7. Create a metaphor for the new reality. What metaphor is more suitable for this situation? Find a new symbol. Smoothly transform the old symbol into the new one (three times). Bring the new metaphor closer to yourself and feel the state it evokes.

Part 2: Adjusting to a Future Situation

8. In the future situation, focus your conscious attention only on the content and your goal. Everything else will be regulated unconsciously. Mentally enter the future situation, focusing only on the environment. What is there? What is happening? Don’t talk about your feelings or thoughts-just notice what happens spontaneously. Compare your self-perception now to before.
9. After reviewing the situation, describe what you felt, thought, did, and what you paid attention to. Find a gesture or posture associated with this state.

Reimprinting Experience

Experience becomes strong and stable after many repetitions. Each time a person finds themselves in a familiar situation, they repeat the fixed experience, making it a habit. But not only repetition-intensity also matters. Sometimes, a single event can imprint an experience for life, especially if it affects something vital. This is called an imprint-a one-time, strong emotional experience that unconsciously influences behavior and feelings for life, and is harder to change than any habit.

Imprints, due to their strength, often hinder adaptation, depriving a person of the flexibility needed in society.

Exercise: Completing the Intention of an Imprint Context

1. Think of a situation you experience as a dead end or confusion. Step out and view it from the outside. Become aware of the negative experience and its intention. What do you want in this situation? What do you feel? What do you focus on? What do you do? What do you think? Find a metaphor for your current behavior.
2. Find a past situation that created this experience (the imprint context), or the strongest experience of it. In what past situations did you feel similarly? Who were the participants? What were their intentions?
3. See the past situation in a “what if” version-what if your intention in the imprint context had been fulfilled? Enter the situation and live it as if your intention was fulfilled. How would you feel? Would you have any further intentions? Imagine all intentions fully realized. Notice a state of harmony. Stay in this state as long as it feels good. Quickly replay the past situation three times with your intentions fulfilled, each time making it more vivid. Keep the harmonious state until the end.
4. Return to the present. Compare the current problematic situation and the past (imprint) situation. Find their similarities and differences until both are perceived calmly and differences outweigh similarities.
5. Choose a more appropriate intention for the present situation. Find a new belief (why will you do this?). Choose a new, more suitable metaphor for the situation. Transform the old metaphor into the new one several (3-5) times quickly. Bring the new metaphor closer to yourself.
6. Mentally go into the future. How has your self-perception changed? Mentally live through 2-3 future situations similar to the one where you previously had a problem. After the first, describe what you felt, thought, did, and focused on.

Structure of the Psychotherapeutic Process

When talking with a client, it’s best to discuss how their problem manifests now and what they want as a result. To notice fixed representations behind the client’s difficulties, pay attention to what they avoid, desire, or believe. Listen for marked phrases indicating fixed reality-words and phrases about avoidance, desire, or acceptance.

Pay attention to nonverbal cues: posture, movement, and emotional expression indicate the state (“stone,” “fire,” or “water”) and the type of fixed reality. Immobility suggests avoidance; movement and emotion suggest striving; relaxation, apathy, or calmness suggest acceptance. Strong emotions (tears, confusion, dead ends) indicate an imprint.

Note all manifestations of fixed realities, then decide which are directly related to the client’s stated problem. During the consultation, you can also ask the client:

• What would be the most undesirable thing in this situation? What do you want to avoid at all costs?
• What would you want in this situation (if anything were possible)? What is your ideal?
• What do you know for sure about this situation? What are you certain of?

Usually, a problematic reality is fixed by all three types of fixation. As it is unfixed, the client naturally goes through stages: accepting the avoided reality, discovering fixed desires, and, after freeing themselves, changing their beliefs. Only after unfixing the old reality is the client ready to define a new desired reality. The next task is to help the client consolidate the new reality-choosing more adequate objects for avoidance, desire, and belief than those in the problem.

Exercise: Harmonizing Experience

1. Choose a situation where you want to change your experience. What’s happening? What do you do? Why? (What does reality do toward you? Why?) What do you feel when you think about this situation?
2. What don’t you like about this situation? What would you like to avoid? Express your feelings and separate reality from fantasy. Is it necessary to avoid this? (If needed, imitate what you want to avoid several times.)
3. Describe what you want in this experience. Imagine you’ve achieved everything you want (for complete satisfaction). Describe what would happen and what’s most important in this result. What would your attitude toward reality be? Is this attitude present or possible now? Is it appropriate?
4. (Optional) Create a metaphor (image) of the new attitude toward reality. Create an image of the old (problematic) attitude. Transform the old image into the new one three times.
5. List what and how you need to do with this attitude toward reality. Why? Decide to act this way.
6. List what to avoid with this attitude. Decide not to allow it.
7. Describe the ideal to strive for with this attitude. Decide to strive for it.
8. Imagine a future encounter with this situation. How do you feel in it now?