Phrases That Reveal a Lie: “I Swear on My Mom” and More

Many expressions we use in everyday conversations without thinking can actually reveal our insincerity. If you avoid these phrases, people will be more likely to trust your word.

American researchers from Cornell University found that it’s easy to spot a woman’s lie: you just need to pay attention to the words used in written communication, such as on social media, where most of us interact these days. During their study, they developed a special smartphone app that tracked text messages and determined which ones were truthful and which were lies. Volunteers themselves marked how honest they were in each case, according to The Times. In total, 1,703 conversations were analyzed, of which 351 contained false statements. On average, an honest message contained 7.4 words, while a dishonest one had 8.2. The reason: the experiment showed that women, when trying to lie, more often used words like “I,” “maybe,” and “try.”

“Let me disagree with the American approach being so clear-cut,” commented Sergey Klyuchnikov, PhD in Philosophy, academician of the Russian Academy of Natural Sciences, practicing psychologist with 30 years of experience, psychotherapist, and director of his own practical psychology center, in a conversation with Woman’s Day. “The thing is, Americans in general tend to be categorical, with a cultivated sense of self-confidence. Their culture encourages them not to doubt themselves and to speak in a confident tone, certainly without any ‘maybe’ or ‘I’ll try.’ In our mentality, these words don’t indicate lying at all, but rather show that the speaker is being considerate and doesn’t want to promise something they can’t deliver, or is simply being realistic about their abilities. This is a good indicator of responsibility: a person doesn’t take on what they can’t handle. The absence of these words either means the person is a monster who never doubts themselves (and really will do everything as promised), or, more often, it’s a sign of immaturity, like a child’s ‘it’s my way or the highway.’ In Russia, being categorical is only appropriate in the army when answering a commander. And using ‘I’ in speech is completely normal in Russian. How else would you speak? In the plural?”

However, there are still words and expressions that can reveal insincere intentions. And this applies not just to women, as the American study suggests, but to both genders. Especially for Woman’s Day, Sergey Klyuchnikov analyzed each of these phrases. It turns out, things aren’t always so straightforward.

1. I swear to God (on my mom, on myself, on my health) // I swear on my life // I’ll stake my hand on it

Such strong expressions either mean the person is absolutely sure of their rightness or ability to do something, or that they don’t attach any real importance to such strong oaths (which are forbidden in religion and generally frowned upon by society), so it’s easy for them to say them. If someone throws these around all the time, it’s a sign of insincerity.

2. I don’t remember that // I never said that

There are two possibilities here. The person really might not remember (or might not have said it) and is just telling you that. Or, their sense of responsibility is so high that they’re afraid to make a mistake, even in small things, and if they can’t recall a conversation from long ago, they let you know. Or, it’s a way to retreat: when caught red-handed and with no other way out, they blame a bad memory. Since it’s often hard or impossible to check someone’s memory, this is a convenient and common maneuver.

3. I don’t see the connection here // I find it hard to answer

This is a classic example of manipulation. You’re leading someone somewhere, but it’s not in their interest, so they start denying the obvious.

4. I don’t want to discuss this // I’m not obligated to answer that question

Maybe the person really doesn’t want to discuss it and truly isn’t obligated to answer. Maybe they don’t consider you competent enough to continue the conversation—so why talk? Or maybe they just don’t like you and want to end the conversation as soon as possible. Or, it’s an attempt to avoid the issue. Not wanting to talk about something is often a fear of being caught. Just like in American movies: you have the right to remain silent, and anything you say can be used against you.

5. I have the same problems // I have a family too

“A scientist, a contemporary of Galileo, was no less smart than Galileo. He knew the Earth revolved, but he had a family,” goes a quatrain by Yevgeny Yevtushenko. Referring to family or personal problems happens when someone tries to deflect accusations by appealing to their own situation. Or, if someone is trying to assert dominance over them, they show: “I’m just like you.” This verbal closeness makes it psychologically easier—they remove themselves from the line of fire by drawing closer to the accuser.

6. Neither “yes” nor “no”

Using phrases like “You said it yourself,” “Do you respect me?” and “You’re a serious person,”—basically anything but a clear “yes” or “no”—is also a sign of a manipulator. In general, people can say anything, but a person’s actions speak louder about their sincerity than their words. Judge them by what they do.