Office Psychology: Why Asking for Favors Works Better Than Doing Them

Do you want to be popular among your coworkers? Then, whatever you do, don’t go out of your way to do them favors. Instead, ask them for help. People who are “exploited” at work often end up liking those who ask for favors. Our minds are simply obsessed with the feeling of obligation.

The Surprising Power of Asking for Help

Imagine a new employee joins your office. You want to create a friendly work environment and, at the same time, make a good impression. So, what’s the best way to build a positive relationship: bring them a coffee, or ask them to bring you one? While the first option often works and is based on mutual respect—“I do something nice for you, and you’ll return the favor to restore balance”—some people are overly strict about this balance, while others avoid such situations altogether.

But it’s actually much easier and less obvious to build rapport by going in the opposite direction. If someone does you a favor, they’re more likely to like you afterward. This strategy really works! In fact, it’s summed up by American statesman Benjamin Franklin. He once described how he won over a political opponent: Franklin heard that the man owned a rare book and asked to borrow it for a few days. The man agreed, and soon their hostility turned into a lasting friendship. Franklin concluded, “He that has once done you a kindness will be more ready to do you another than he whom you yourself have obliged.” This phenomenon is now known as the “Benjamin Franklin Effect.”

Seeking Harmony: The Science Behind the Effect

This effect has been scientifically proven. In experiments, participants were given a significant sum of money as part of a contest. At a certain point, the experimenter would ask one of the participants to return the money, explaining that it came out of his own pocket and that he was facing financial difficulties. If you later asked the participants how they felt about the experimenter, those who returned the money reported liking him much more.

The reason for this is the laziness of our brains. Our minds always want harmony between our thoughts and actions, so we don’t have to deal with uncomfortable contradictions—what psychologists call cognitive dissonance. So, our brain “decides” that if we did someone a favor, we must like them. As a result, the person we helped seems more likable to us, even if we didn’t feel that way before.

This harmony between thoughts and actions makes us more willing to do favors for that person again in the future. This is also the basis for the “foot-in-the-door” technique: first, you ask someone for a small favor that no reasonable person would refuse, and then you can make your real, bigger request. The other person won’t want to contradict their previous behavior and will be more likely to help you again.

In fact, many strong relationships start with a simple, innocent request—like asking, “Do you have a light?”