About Learned Helplessness or “I’ll Manage Without You!”

If you find yourself constantly blaming higher powers, the government, bad genetics, or secret societies (choose your favorite) for all your problems, this article is definitely for you.

The concept of learned helplessness entered psychology thanks to American psychologist Martin Seligman. In the early 1960s, Seligman decided to expand on Ivan Pavlov’s research on conditioned reflexes by artificially creating a persistent fear of a bell in dogs. The animals, locked in cages, were given electric shocks every time the bell rang. Seligman assumed that, given the chance, the dogs would run from the sound as fast as possible. But when the cages were finally opened, the dogs simply lay down and whimpered, expecting another shock.

What Is Learned Helplessness?

Three years later, Seligman and his colleague Steven Maier set out to confirm their findings. This time, they used two groups of dogs: one group was in the same inescapable situation with electric shocks, while the other could save themselves and their companions by pressing a button with their noses. After some time, all the dogs were placed in electrified enclosures that could easily be escaped by jumping over a small barrier. Unsurprisingly, the dogs from the second group, who had learned the action-safety connection, quickly escaped. The dogs from the first group, however, stayed put and endured the pain. Their thinking: “It hurts, but I endure it because I don’t know I can avoid it.”

In the 1970s, other researchers demonstrated the phenomenon in humans. Psychologist Donald Hiroto exposed volunteers to a loud, irritating noise. One group could turn it off, while the other could only wait for it to end. Later, all participants were asked to put their hand in a box that would trigger the noise again. None of them knew that touching one of the box’s walls would stop the sound. Those who had previously been able to stop the noise actively searched for a solution, while the others simply endured it, showing clear signs of learned helplessness.

In 1976, psychologists Ellen Langer and Judith Rodin studied the phenomenon in a nursing home. Residents on different floors were given different levels of control: for some, staff made all decisions, while others could make their own choices. After three weeks, those with more control reported higher life satisfaction and better health. Six months later, the trend continued: those who had controlled their lives during the experiment remained more active and proactive than the others. This research proved not only the existence of learned helplessness but also its impact on physical and emotional health.

The Three Deficits of Learned Helplessness

According to Seligman, learned helplessness is a deficit in three areas:

• Motivational: Lack of ability to motivate oneself to act.
• Cognitive: Inability to be flexible and recognize that a single failure is not a catastrophe.
• Emotional: A state of depression and hopelessness (which can lead to clinical depression).

Psychologist Natalia Solntseva notes that learned helplessness can be identified by common phrases people use, such as: “I can’t,” “I don’t want to,” “always,” “never,” “it’s all useless,” “everyone in our family is like this,” and so on. If you catch yourself using these phrases often, it’s worth reflecting on your mindset.

How Does Helplessness Develop?

Seligman’s further experiments showed that dogs with learned helplessness passed this trait on to their puppies. The same pattern holds true for humans. Psychologist Diana Tsiring identifies four types of dysfunctional parenting that foster helplessness in children:

• Overprotection (excessive control, monitoring every action)
• Placing too much responsibility on the child
• Abuse
• Inconsistent parenting

In the first case, children become dependent due to a lack of independence. In the other three, helplessness develops as a psychological defense:

• “I can’t meet the expectations placed on me, so I’d rather do nothing.”
• “My actions can’t stop the abuse; I’m too small and powerless.”
• “I can’t predict how my mom will react, no matter what I do.”

Helplessness can also develop in healthy families through everyday situations, often with the best intentions. For example, regularly doing a child’s homework for them (“But it’s hard for them, I want to help!”) deprives them of the sense that they can earn a good grade on their own. Excessive praise for a clumsy drawing or first cooking attempt (“I just want to encourage them!”) can kill motivation for further development. Gender stereotypes (“He’s a boy, why would he want to dance?”) can suppress real needs.

In adulthood, society often takes over the role of fostering learned helplessness. American anthropologist Riane Eisler identified two types of cultures: dominator and partnership. The dominator culture is characterized by relationships based on control and subordination, which is common in modern society. This rigid hierarchy creates fertile ground for an epidemic of helplessness. For example, in many companies, management’s opinion is the only one that matters, and employees’ initiatives are suppressed or claimed by bosses. Students’ opinions are ignored by teachers. The husband is considered the “head of the family,” and the wife is expected to be submissive, which not only fosters learned helplessness in women but also increases domestic violence statistics. The dominator structure also appears in the relationship between the state and citizens: lengthy bureaucratic processes and inaccessible officials create a sense of powerlessness.

Learned helplessness can also develop after a series of failures or a traumatic event where a person loses all control, such as a natural disaster, terrorist attack, or economic crisis.

The Downside of Helplessness

People with learned helplessness lose healthy ways to meet their needs, but the needs themselves don’t disappear. Without the right tools, the mind seeks other ways to get what it wants, often turning to manipulation. That’s why helplessness is the main “weapon” of the victim in Stephen Karpman’s famous drama triangle. The victim provokes others to meet their needs, often by making loved ones feel guilty or sorry for them: dramatic sighs, complaints about health or money, offering unsolicited help (which makes the recipient feel indebted), or demanding “repayment” for things that should be taken for granted (“We raised you!”).

“Negative evaluation of the world, a belief in one’s inability to control or manage life events, leads to manipulative behavior,” confirms Diana Tsiring. Staying in a state of learned helplessness can be tempting, as skilled manipulators can often get others to meet their needs. However, healthy, happy adult relationships are impossible in this dynamic.

What Can You Do?

The good news: after his experiments, Seligman was able to teach the helpless dogs to save themselves from electric shocks. Many people also overcome helplessness through inner work—either on their own or with a specialist (the best option is behavioral therapy).

Soviet psychophysiologists Vadim Rotenberg and Vitaly Arshavsky developed an effective strategy in the 1980s called “search activity.” The idea is to focus on intermediate results and gradually change an uncontrollable situation with small steps. Today, similar practices (breaking big goals into small tasks) are recommended by many business coaches and personal growth experts, including Gleb Arkhangelsky.

For those with learned helplessness, big changes can seem scary and unattainable, but small steps are less intimidating. For example, if you’ve always been told you’re a spender and will never save money, dreams of owning a home, car, or traveling may seem out of reach (“Could I really do that?”). Start with theoretical calculations: look up the actual cost of your goal and write it down. Estimate how much you can save from each paycheck (the excuse “nothing” doesn’t count!). Consider your tools—savings account, extra debit card, or an envelope hidden away? Calculate how long it will take. Once you have a plan, start putting it into practice. It’s best to think about saving right before payday: today—make a plan with numbers and deadlines, tomorrow—get paid and set aside your first amount. Important: reinforce even small achievements with positive emotions. For example, after making a deposit, take a day off work!

Over time, your brain will form new neural connections, making it easier to act and change your life for the better. Most importantly, you’ll gain an incomparable sense of inner strength and confidence.