How to Build Trust?

Before diving into the process of building trust, it’s important to consider the question: “Why does trust exist?” If we look at the linguistic roots of the word “trust” in Russian (“do-verie”), it literally means that something must happen before a person starts to believe you. In other words, trust is confidence in another person’s actions, or the predictability of their behavior.

Being able to consciously build trust is extremely useful, as it allows you to communicate your message with minimal distortion.

Types of Trust

There are two main types of trust:

1. Conscious Trust. This type of trust is formed by repeatedly fulfilling your commitments. When you consistently keep your promises, the person you interact with develops a pattern: “He promised and delivered. He promised and delivered. He promised and delivered…” As a result, they start to believe you. This is what’s called conscious trust. In rhetoric, this is similar to the “Socratic Yes” or the “Sequence of Acceptance” technique.
   When someone can provide factual reasons for why they trust you, that’s conscious trust.
2. Unconscious Trust. This type is even more interesting. Here, the person usually doesn’t have concrete arguments for their trust. If you ask them why they trust someone, they’ll refer to emotional or subjective qualities—“good,” “interesting,” “pleasant,” “engaging” person. That’s why they trust them.
   How does this work? It’s based on the principle of similarity. Remember Mowgli’s phrase: “You and I are of the same blood.” People tend to group themselves by categories: “We are doctors,” “We are military,” “We are builders,” and so on. Often, these groups are distinguished by clothing, uniforms, or dress codes. For example, police officers generally trust each other by default, even if they’ve never met before.
   In ancient times, tribes distinguished themselves by the number of feathers in their headbands or colored stripes on their faces. Today, team sports use uniform colors to differentiate teams. In situations where quick decisions are needed, clear differentiation by clothing is still important.
   This is one way to build trust. Of course, you can’t always “change your outfit,” so the principle of similarity also applies to behavior, worldview, manner of speaking, and characteristic gestures.
   Have you noticed that people who live together for a long time start to resemble each other? People who share our worldview inspire more trust than those who are always ready to argue.
   For example, when a friend comes to another friend in tears, the supportive friend often shares her worldview—“All men are the same…”—even if she doesn’t fully believe it herself. If you think about it, everyone can recall one or two such cases.
   Some secret societies distinguish members by a specific gesture or item of clothing.
   Whether you realize it or not, you use both of these methods to build trust in your everyday life.