How to Benefit from Any Conflict

Hello, everyone! Guess who’s here with you today? That’s right, it’s me—Stalilingus, your guide to the world of NLP, social engineering, manipulation, and other psychological goodies that everyone talks about but few actually know how to use. But we’re here to learn and practice together, right?

Today, I’m sharing some solid material on conflictology, specifically on the positive side of conflict. This isn’t my own material, but it’s really good and, most importantly, practical. This isn’t just talk—it’s something that actually works! So take note. Let’s get started!

Why Can Conflict Be Beneficial?

Anger, fear, despair, and disappointment—conflicts are always accompanied by strong negative emotions. It hurts, it’s upsetting, and we just want it to end as soon as possible. But every conflict has a constructive side that can become a catalyst for growth. Let’s take a closer look at the nature of conflicts and strategies for handling them.

What Is a Conflict?

Conflicts are studied by psychologists, sociologists, political scientists, and philosophers. There’s even a separate discipline called conflictology. Dozens of definitions of “conflict” exist in academic literature. Here’s one of the most typical:

Conflict is an acute way of resolving contradictions in interests. These contradictions can arise between individuals (interpersonal conflicts), between groups (intergroup conflicts), or within a single person (intrapersonal conflict).

Modern psychology views conflicts in a constructive light. If you learn to manage them, you can actually benefit from them.

Positive Functions of Conflict

• Release. Due to constant stress, each of us is like a ticking time bomb. If you don’t let your emotions out, you might “explode.” Small conflicts help relieve internal tension and prevent antisocial behavior.
• Dropping the “mask.” In a conflict, a person’s true nature is revealed. Even a close friend can show a completely different side of themselves, and not always a good one. Social conflicts teach us to better understand people and to be more careful in choosing our circle.
• Unity. When it comes to intergroup confrontation or a conflict between an individual and a group, the struggle brings members of the social unit together. Shared interests and a common “enemy” unite the group.
• Stimulus for improvement. Conflict signals that a relationship has reached a dead end and, to preserve it, you need to work on yourself. For a reasonable person, a conflict is a push toward personal growth.

How to Behave in a Conflict

Whether a conflict develops destructively or productively depends on the behavior of the participants.

American psychologists Kenneth Thomas and Ralph Kilmann developed a two-dimensional model of conflict behavior strategies. They believed that in any social conflict, each participant weighs their own interests against those of their opponent. They identified five main strategies: avoidance, accommodation, competition, compromise, and collaboration.

• Avoidance (or withdrawal): The person doesn’t want to defend their views or participate in arguments. It’s easier for them to walk away—“you deal with it yourselves.” This behavior is justified when the subject of the conflict is so minor that it’s not worth the time or effort.
• Accommodation (or yielding): This strategy involves sacrificing your own interests for the sake of the opponent’s. The reason might be low self-confidence or self-esteem. This behavior is appropriate if the participant wants to emphasize the value of their relationship with the opponent.
• Competition (or forcing): The person thinks, “There’s my opinion and the wrong one.” They use all their power, connections, and authority to suppress the opponent. The principle here is: either I’m right and you submit, or goodbye.
• Compromise: If one side partially accepts the other’s point of view, that’s compromise. It’s a strategy of mutual concessions, where each participant satisfies only part of their interests, resulting in balance. The ability to compromise is highly valued, but because these solutions are often half-measures, compromise can sometimes lead to new conflicts.
• Collaboration: Here, opponents respect each other. Each has their own view of right and wrong, so both sides consider each other’s interests. They’re ready for dialogue and seek a solution that works for everyone.

Participants in a conflict rarely stick to just one strategy. Usually, one behavior model replaces another. For example, someone might start with competition, then make some concessions, and finally move to collaboration.

Any confrontation can be productive. To benefit from a conflict, choose the right strategy. It’s normal to get angry, but it’s important to pull yourself together in time, see the opportunities for growth, and move toward collaboration.