How to Answer Uncomfortable Questions

Throughout our lives, we’re often faced with uncomfortable questions. Sometimes, these come from tactless people, and other times from provocateurs who deliberately try to unsettle us. While you can’t avoid such questions entirely, you can learn to respond to them in a way that eliminates awkwardness and embarrassment. This article explains how to do just that.

1. Shifting the Topic

If you’re uncomfortable answering a particular question, try answering a different one instead. The key is to do this smoothly and subtly. Here’s an example:

• Question: How much do you make?
• Answer: After my recent promotion, I’m earning noticeably more! I’m really glad our company supports career growth and rewards those who work hard. In another company, my efforts might have gone unnoticed, but here everyone gets what they deserve.

The general approach is:

1. Respond to the question without giving any specific information. Touch on a topic you can later expand on.
2. Gradually shift to a different subject that’s unrelated to the original question but flows naturally from your answer.

Politicians are masters of this technique. Watch any interview with them, and you’ll see how effectively and seamlessly they can dodge uncomfortable questions.

2. Answering with a Question

If you don’t want to answer an uncomfortable question, ask one in return. This can buy you time to think or, if used skillfully, turn the tables so the questioner becomes the one answering.

To make this work, your question should seem relevant and necessary. Avoid closed questions (those that can be answered with “yes” or “no”) or questions that are easy to answer quickly.

For example:

• Question: Where did you go on vacation this summer?
• Answer: Why don’t you tell me where you went first?

If the other person answers briefly and without detail, follow up with clarifying questions, such as:

• Where did you go last year? Did you like it more or less? Why?
• What options were you considering? Do you regret choosing that place over another?
• Would you like to go there again? Why?
• What are your plans for your next trip? Have you decided where to go?

If your conversation partner doesn’t want to talk or insists on their original question, you can combine this technique with the previous one:

• Oh, by the way, my friend recently went to Greece. He said that…

3. Breaking the Script

When someone asks an uncomfortable question to provoke or embarrass you, they usually expect a certain reaction. But you can rewrite the script in your favor. Think about why the question was asked and what reaction is expected. Then, behave differently than the provocateur planned.

For example, suppose you’ve been in a relationship for a while and are planning a wedding, but you want a big celebration and haven’t saved enough money yet. The provocateur, aware of your financial situation, publicly asks, “So, when are we finally going to your wedding? Why the delay?” They expect you to admit you don’t have enough money or make up an awkward excuse, feeling embarrassed either way.

Break the script! Say that it’s the most important day of your life, you want to celebrate in style, and you’ll have saved up soon. The provocateur expects you to be ashamed or insecure, but if you answer confidently and calmly, their attempt to unsettle you will fail. Most provocateurs are looking for your discomfort, but as soon as you show that the question doesn’t bother you, you win.

4. Delaying the Question

If you can’t think of an answer to an uncomfortable question right away, you can postpone it. This gives you time to think about your response and your next steps.

Use phrases like:

• You’re a bit ahead of things; I’ll answer your question a little later.
• Before I answer that, let’s consider the following point…
• That’s a really interesting question; I need some time to think about it.
• Great question! Let’s go over some details first, and then I’ll answer it.
• That’s an intriguing question, but first, I’d like to mention…

This technique may not always work in a personal conversation, but during a public speech, it can be a lifesaver. It’s unlikely that anyone in the audience will insist on an immediate answer. If someone does, try this trick: invite the person who asked the question on stage to discuss it further. Usually, when someone is no longer part of the crowd, they lose their boldness and the support of the audience. If you have enough authority or have impressed the audience with your previous speech, the crowd will likely be on your side, and the questioner will sense this. They’ll probably agree to postpone the question.

If you delay the question until the end of your speech, you might not have to answer it at all unless someone reminds you. Many people, including the one who asked, may simply forget you promised to answer later. And no one will blame you for forgetting either.

Practice Makes Perfect

Think back to the last uncomfortable questions you were asked. Try coming up with answers using these techniques. Did it work? Hopefully, you answered “yes,” and in the future, such questions won’t catch you off guard.

Good luck!