Learning to Analyze Your Online Conversation Partner

Social networks are a reflection of real-life communities on the Internet. Within these virtual groups, people mostly interact through written communication. Recently, there has been a growing interest among social media users in analyzing their conversations with others. The reasons for this include the increasing number of online scammers, difficulties in recognizing the motives behind communication (friendship, romance, business, etc.), the desire to attract a certain type of person, and more.

Users often request an analysis, usually stating their goal and why they need it. These requests can be grouped as follows:

• Understanding the behavior, motives, and desires of the conversation partner
• Predicting the relationship (compatibility, what to expect in the future)
• Developing a strategy to achieve a specific goal (signing a contract, getting a date, etc.)
• Ending a relationship with minimal harm to the other person
• Changing one’s communication style to interact more effectively

For analysis, the most vivid episode from the conversation is chosen. It should meet several criteria: the fragment should be substantial (not just one day, but several), ideally containing material that made the requester uneasy, and should include several extended topics discussed in the conversation. These conditions are necessary for a thorough analysis.

The requester also provides background information, outlining the social context of the “recorded” dialogue: the gender and age of the participants, their relationship, and what happened before the conversation.

Key Features of Social Media Conversations

The first feature is the structure of the text. The material is a “written-down” dialogue, giving the psychologist several layers to analyze: content, process, and personality.

Content Layer Analysis

The content layer refers to the topics discussed. A psychologist examines how interesting these topics are to both parties, who initiates topics more often, and which topics are discussed at length. This helps determine who is the leader in the relationship, which topics are currently important, and how deep and trusting the conversation is.

Topics can be “light” (nature, weather, daily life) or “tense” (conflicts, problems). The topics set the emotional tone of the conversation. If a topic is discussed at length, its development and logical structure can be analyzed: the main character, the problem, the resolution, and why the topic arose.

Emojis also belong to the content layer, as they convey mood in written speech. A psychologist can compare the meaning of a statement with the emotional symbol that follows. If they don’t match, it may indicate suppressed feelings.

Frequent breaks in conversation or delayed responses (as shown by timestamps) can indicate low engagement or interest.

It’s also important to study the motives behind the conversation. Besides the stated motives (to meet, support, pass time), there are hidden motives (sex, self-affirmation, stress relief, etc.). Hidden motives are usually masked by declared ones. Indicators include a shift from neutral topics (books, movies, hobbies) to the topic of real-life meetings or intimacy, often in hopes that the partner will “relax” and go along. Techniques like games and intrigue are also used to spark interest and make it easier to achieve one’s goal. Progress is gradual: first, a small agreement (moving from social media to video chat or SMS), then further steps. There are even communities that teach seduction and attention-retention techniques.

Process Layer Analysis

This layer helps the psychologist identify communication styles. The most common is the manipulative style, where participants hide their true motives to achieve their goals. The classic pattern is the “pursuer” establishing contact and then “striking” (inappropriate jokes, sensitive topics, ridicule, attacks), forcing the other to defend themselves. Other styles include normalized (standardized) and partnership styles. In the normalized style, people exchange routine remarks and safe information. The partnership style is the most productive: participants are open, trust each other, actively exchange information, and are emotionally engaged.

Process analysis also reveals the dynamics of the conversation: how contact is established, maintained, and what methods are used. Who asks more questions, and are they open or closed? Do participants use each other’s words, and do they remember what their partner said?

Conflict conversations require special attention. The person submitting such a fragment often wants to know who is at fault and how to influence the partner. The psychologist remains neutral, analyzing the process and suggesting ways to resolve the conflict.

Usually, people say goodbye easily in social media chats. If the farewell is prolonged, it may indicate the conversation’s high importance.

Personality Layer Analysis

This is one of the most challenging layers, as the psychologist can only make assumptions based on one side of the person—their writing. Caution is needed here. Possible conclusions include identifying the dominant representational system (visual, auditory, kinesthetic) and recommending which words to use to be “heard.” Extroversion can be inferred if the person is emotional, asks questions, writes more, and easily switches topics. Introversion is indicated by the opposite behavior. Locus of control can be determined by whether the person attributes responsibility to themselves or others.

After analyzing all three layers, the psychologist draws conclusions based only on recurring data. The report is sent to the requester, and confidentiality is guaranteed. The requester can use the information as they see fit.

Other Psychological Features of Online Conversations

The second feature of social media conversations is their “phantom” nature. Even though participants receive real-time responses, they can’t see each other, so all nonverbal cues are hidden. People can invent names, roles, ages, provide false information, or hide their feelings. It’s almost impossible to tell if someone is hiding their true self, except for inconsistencies or typos, which may occur if their story is poorly constructed. A manipulative communication style can also hint at hidden intentions.

The third psychological feature is “suggestibility.” Analysis shows how easily people are influenced, how quickly they change their opinions, and how readily they accept their partner’s beliefs and emotions. Social networks make suggestion easier because the person doesn’t see their real conversation partner—they only imagine them. The entire conversation is built on internal images, created from profile photos, memories of a voice (if they’ve met in real life), and, most importantly, from the person’s own inner world. For example, a partner’s text is read in one’s own voice, with personal emotional coloring. It’s hard to tell from a photo how someone moves or what their facial expressions are, so the reader “animates” the image themselves.

These features create the effect known as “the other in my head.” This “other” settles in almost without passing through the critical filter of consciousness. Our desire to communicate with someone on social media often depends less on the actual person and more on our own mood and desire to interact. There’s nothing mystical about this—it’s the usual process of transference and projection described by Freud, which is clearly visible in conversation analysis.

It’s important to note that analyzing social media conversations is different from analyzing letters. In the first case, it’s a real-time dialogue, with people exchanging remarks here and now. A letter is delayed in time—a message from one person to another from the past to the future. A letter has a complete structure, while a dialogue consists of many remarks. Traditionally, more information can be obtained from analyzing dialogues, as people interact with each other. Letters are more often a conversation with oneself, even if addressed to someone else.

When analyzing social media conversations, it’s important to remember the limitations of this form of communication and avoid making categorical conclusions. By keeping the client’s request in mind, a psychologist can clearly structure the analyzed material and provide the client with the information they need in an appropriate manner.