Combat Communication in Everyday Life
Hello everyone, this is Stalilingus! Let’s talk about how our dreams get destroyed—something that feels especially relevant before the New Year, since we all love to dream about what the coming year will bring. Pay attention to how you protect yourself from this; I’ve fallen into this trap myself many times! So, let’s get started!
We all remember the saying, “If you want to make God laugh, tell him your plans.” Or the childhood superstition: don’t talk about your dreams, or they won’t come true. Even when blowing out birthday candles, it’s customary to keep your wish a secret. As we know, superstitions don’t come from nowhere.
Often, we have a dream or a plan. Some of us, especially the more ambitious, even turn these into concrete goals. When we think about these goals, we’re filled with emotion—especially if the goal seems achievable. Not everyone can keep it to themselves, and at some point, we share it with someone. It could be a loved one, a colleague, a friend—anyone, really. Who knows when our idea will come up in conversation?
Once we voice our dream, it no longer belongs to just us. What can happen next?
For example, you might catch an involuntary expression on your listener’s face—a split second of disgust, skepticism, or contempt. Even if the person means well, they might doubt the necessity of your dream, have had a bad experience themselves, or simply associate it with something negative. And just like that, their attitude toward your dream gets stuck in your mind—especially if you were hoping for advice. What if the person feels envious? Or if you’re in a codependent relationship? It’s entirely possible that the person will intentionally try to crush your dream.
If you’ve already set your goals and share your steps with such a person, your chances of success drop even further. Using manipulative communication techniques (sometimes called “combat NLP”), every step you mention can be dismissed as pointless!
Here’s a real-life example: Suppose you tell a loved one, “I want to drop everything and become a professional cannabis gardener…” and in response, you get a slightly twisted facial expression and a bunch of comments like:
- “Why do you need that?”
- “What’s the point?”
- “And what are you going to draw?”
- “Your NLP practitioner course didn’t really work out, did it…”
Plus, they might try to tear down every single step toward your goal.
You’re lucky if the person, even after making such comments, immediately offers to help you rethink or strengthen your steps toward your goal. But what if they don’t?
How to Protect Your Dreams
The key in this kind of communication is to clearly understand your own goals. What did you want from the person when you told them? Support, approval, help, or something else? How constructive is this person’s opinion, and how much does it matter to your decision-making? How well does this person understand you and your motives? How well do you understand their goals? Have they supported you in the past?
Before accepting someone’s opinion, it’s very important to analyze the situation objectively and without emotion.
Key Takeaways
- When sharing your plans, choose your confidant carefully.
- Be ready for criticism—constructive, unconstructive, or even very destructive.
- Decide if you’re prepared to look for the positive intention in the reaction you provoked.
On the other hand, sharing your plans can be a great litmus test for clarifying how someone really feels about you and your ideas.
Understanding that someone might unconsciously use manipulative communication techniques gives you the chance to respond appropriately, assess the situation objectively, and evaluate their attitude toward you.
Of course, you could use these same methods to destroy someone else’s dreams, desires, and goals. But the most important thing is not to forget about the ethical side and to understand where this could lead. After all, trust is very easy to break.
May all your dreams come true!
Stalilingus