Conversation Etiquette: Key Psychological Principles

If you want your conversation with someone you’re interested in to go well, it’s important to consider the following psychological traits common to all people:

• Everyone needs positive emotions.
• Everyone enjoys feeling important and likes to hear confirmation of their significance.
• Everyone appreciates approval and praise directed at them.
• Everyone likes to talk about their hobbies.
• Everyone likes to talk about what they’re proud of.
• Everyone likes to talk about their achievements and successes.

Therefore, in any conversation with someone you’re interested in, you should:

• Find and highlight something you have in common.
• Give them a compliment.
• Show genuine interest in topics that matter to them.
• Make sure your voice is pleasant and matches your facial expressions and gestures.
• Keep your voice expressive and avoid monotony.
• Avoid speaking too quickly or too slowly.
• Be a good listener—don’t interrupt.
• Ask clarifying questions.
• React to what’s being said with approving or enthusiastic exclamations, and show strong interest in the topic through your demeanor.
• Demonstrate attentive listening with your posture, nods, and facial expressions.

Technical Aspects of Conversation

The appropriate distance during a conversation depends on the type of interaction:

• For intimate conversations: up to 0.5 meters (about 1.5 feet).
• For friendly conversations: 0.5 to 1.2 meters (about 1.5 to 4 feet).
• For conversations with acquaintances: 1 to 3 meters (about 3 to 10 feet).

Women tend to choose a closer distance for communication, while men usually prefer a bit more space.

The best contact and most relaxed communication happen when people sit not directly next to or across from each other, but at a slight angle. The person sitting to your right will be most influenced psychologically.

Avoid crossing your arms over your chest or crossing your legs, as these closed postures can hinder open conversation. Also, don’t slouch in your chair or put your hands behind your head. Instead, adopt a relaxed but attentive posture.

Your gestures should be open. Gesture around your waist with open palms facing your conversation partner. Avoid clenching your fists.

If you want to make a good impression, look into your partner’s left eye while speaking—but not for more than 10 seconds in a casual conversation. A longer, unblinking gaze can put your partner into a light trance.

For romantic attraction, it’s especially effective to combine a prolonged gaze (over 10 seconds) with a so-called “sexual glance”—looking below the chin, down to the chest area.

Remember: on a subconscious level, looking down at someone is perceived as a dominant, leader’s gaze, while looking up is seen as submissive or timid.

When saying something important or concluding your thoughts, look your conversation partner in the eyes—this will leave a lasting impression on their subconscious.

If you follow these recommendations, both you and your conversation partner will enjoy a pleasant and rewarding interaction.