9 Secrets to Influencing People

Influencing others is a skill that can be developed and used in various areas of life, from business to personal relationships. Here are nine effective techniques to help you become more persuasive and aware of how others may try to influence you.

1. Reframing

This technique is often used in politics. A popular example is the estate tax, which opponents may call a “death tax.” Using emotionally charged words like “death” instead of “estate” triggers negative associations. Reframing is subtle, but by choosing emotionally loaded words, you can easily sway people to your point of view.

2. Mirroring

Mirroring means subtly imitating another person’s movements. These can be small gestures, like hand movements, leaning forward or back, or nodding. We often do this unconsciously, but if you pay attention, you might catch yourself doing it. To mirror someone effectively, do it discreetly and wait 2-4 seconds between their movement and your imitation.

3. Scarcity

Advertisers use this technique all the time. Opportunities become much more attractive when access to them is limited. This method can be used in everyday situations as well. More importantly, knowing about this trick helps you stay alert. Next time you see a product labeled as “limited quantity,” stop and think: Is the demand really that high, or is scarcity being used to influence you?

4. Reciprocity

There’s an old saying: “Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.” When someone does something for us, we feel obligated to return the favor. If you want someone to do something nice for you, start by doing something nice for them. In business, this might mean giving someone the initiative; at home, it could be lending your neighbor a lawnmower. The key is to initiate the relationship.

5. Timing

People are usually more agreeable when they are mentally tired. Before asking someone for something they might not immediately agree to, try waiting for a better time—like after they’ve completed a mentally demanding task. For example, catching a coworker at the end of the workday increases the chances they’ll say, “I’ll take care of it tomorrow.”

6. Consistency

We all subconsciously strive to act consistently. Salespeople often use this technique by shaking your hand during negotiations. Most people associate a handshake with closing a deal, so doing it before the deal is finalized increases the chances of agreement. You can use this by encouraging action before someone has time to overthink. For example, if you want to go to the movies with a friend who can’t decide, start walking toward the theater while they make up their mind.

7. Smooth Speech

During conversations, we often use filler words like “um,” “so,” or “like.” These words unintentionally make us seem less confident and, therefore, less convincing. Speaking confidently makes it easier to persuade others.

8. Herd Instinct

We are all born with a tendency to follow others. Like it or not, we constantly look for people to guide our actions and seek approval. A simple and effective way to use this instinct is to become the kind of leader others want to follow.

9. Friends and Authority Figures

We are more likely to be persuaded by people we like or those we see as authority figures. Knowing these tricks not only helps you avoid falling for them but also allows you to use them yourself. You’ll be surprised how easy it is to become likable and gain authority in the eyes of others.