NLP: Suggestions

In American movies, there was a time when it was popular to show characters listening to audio recordings on their way to work, where a pleasant (usually male) voice would say:

“I am confident. I can handle this. I can control my life.”

The character would repeat after the voice:

“I am confident. I can handle this. I can control my life.”

This person on screen was practicing self-suggestion—suggesting something to themselves.

Suggestion is a fascinating thing: it’s used in many areas, from autogenic training to Ericksonian hypnosis and NLP. It works effectively, and there are many different explanations for how it works. Here’s one way to look at it:

When we speak, we create a certain reality. If a person believes in this reality, they start to behave accordingly.

If someone believes they are confident, they act in line with that belief. If they believe they are a failure, the same principle applies. That’s why it’s better to believe you can handle a task or achieve your goals.

With the help of suggestions, we create this reality.

There are certain rules that help create a useful reality for a person—one they can believe in. We regularly make suggestions to ourselves and others, but not all of them are helpful. Often, people don’t intend to cause harm; it’s just how language works.

For example, someone might try to motivate themselves by saying, “How could I make such a mistake? Why am I so stupid?”—which is essentially giving themselves the command to “be stupid.” I doubt that’s what they intended.

Or a mother shouts, “Don’t run, you’ll fall!”—a classic example of a “negation in a command,” which a child may interpret as a command to run and fall. The mother doesn’t want the child to fall, but…

Or a friend says, “You’re so smart, kind, and beautiful—so why are you so unlucky with men?” This uses a “sequence of acceptance” and suggests “unlucky with men.”

So let’s practice making good and helpful suggestions.

Types of Suggestions

First, suggestions can be divided into “suggestions to oneself” (self-suggestions) and “suggestions to others.” The rules are roughly the same, so we won’t focus on the differences.

Second, there are direct and indirect suggestions. With direct suggestion, you usually say something straightforward:

• You are confident.
• You will easily achieve your goal.

But in a normal state, most people are skeptical of such statements. So direct suggestions work best when a person is in a trance.

In autogenic training, a person puts themselves into a trance (autogenic training is a type of self-hypnosis) and gives themselves suggestions. In hypnosis, the operator puts the person into a trance and gives suggestions.

That’s why, in everyday communication, we use disguised, indirect suggestions. These use various mechanisms to distract the conscious mind so the command reaches the unconscious.

How to Use Suggestions

As mentioned, suggestions create a certain reality.

For example, if you want someone to call you, create a reality where they definitely will. Asking, “When will you call me?” creates a reality where the person will call. In contrast, “Will you call me back?” leaves the option open that they might not.

With suggestions, you can create a reality where a person:

• Is more successful
• Remembers foreign words faster
• Gets up easily in the morning
• Is confident
• Is healthy
• Handles problems independently
• Achieves set goals
• Enjoys life

For example, as a trainer, I find it helpful to create a reality for my group where participants:

• Learn faster
• Are interested
• Achieve success
• Remember material easily

Similarly, you can create a reality for yourself where you are:

• Disciplined
• Persistent
• Confident
• In control of your emotions
• Enjoying sports
• Going to bed on time
• Happy

And so on—the list can be continued as you wish.

Indirect Suggestions

There are many types of indirect suggestions, and different fields group and name them differently. For example, what’s called “presuppositions” in NLP is called “implications” in Ericksonian hypnosis.

Let’s look at six of the most common types:

Presuppositions

This is when a phrase is constructed so that the command is presented as something unquestionable.

• “When will you call me?”—There’s no doubt the person will call.
• “Which exercise will you do first?”—No doubt the person will do the exercises; the only question is the order.
• “Write to us about what you love about ‘Galina Blanca.’”—You love ‘Galina Blanca’; now just say why.

Negation in a Command

The unconscious, which tends to think in a synthetic, holistic way, struggles with negations: don’t run, don’t look, don’t go. It often just ignores the “don’t.” So “don’t run” becomes “run.”

To process a negation, you first have to imagine the object, then negate it—something logical, sequential thinking (the conscious mind) handles easily.

So in the phrase, “Don’t sign the contract without reading it carefully again,” there’s a hidden command to “sign the contract.”

Truisms

A truism is a statement that is obviously true:

• Paris is the capital of France.
• People can be successful.
• You are capable of relaxing.

Truisms set the frame for perceiving reality and work as suggestions.

Nonverbal Emphasis

“You can enter a trance slowly, or you might not enter a trance at all, but I think you’ll enter it quickly.”

You can offer choices, but nonverbally emphasize the “right” one. The person, unconsciously, will tend to choose it.

Embedded Commands

In Ericksonian hypnosis, this is called “contextual suggestion.” If you highlight certain words in speech or text nonverbally, the unconscious perceives them as commands.

For example: “You’re reading this book now, and some of you find it hard to focus. But it’s easy to get distracted. That’s normal.” The command here is: “It’s easy to focus.”

Sequence of Acceptance

This is a common technique in everyday life: you make several statements the person agrees with, then insert a command.

“We’ve been working for several hours, some of you are tired and want to rest, but now you’ll find it easy to remember everything.”

The first three statements are true (if you really have been working for hours, are tired, and want to rest), and the command is: “Now you’ll find it easy to remember everything.” The initial statements create the impression that the final statement is also true.

Conditions for Effective Suggestions

It’s not enough to insert commands into speech—you also need the right conditions for them to work as suggestions.

Rapport

Suggestions only work if there’s rapport. That’s just how it is. Without rapport, these techniques are useless.

Trance

It’s better if the person is in a trance. It doesn’t have to be deep—light trance is enough. Not required, but helpful.

Intention

Suggestions should support the client’s intentions—at least some of them. If suggestions don’t fit the client’s worldview, they either won’t be accepted or will stop working after a while.

For example, if someone has no intention of buying anything, it’s unlikely you’ll convince them otherwise. But if they’re considering a purchase but can’t decide, a suggestion might help them decide faster.

Constructing Commands

Let’s talk about how to construct commands correctly. There are a few basic rules:

Simple Phrases

Keep the phrase simple—avoid complex sentences: do it, go, you are confident, you feel good.

Positive Formulation

State what the person should do, not what they should stop doing.

Action or Evaluation

Commands should relate to either specific actions:

• Take out the trash
• Do your homework
• Feel confident
• Relax
• Call tomorrow

Or to a change in evaluation:

• You are successful
• You enjoy studying
• You are persistent
• I love running in the morning (for self-suggestion)
• This is easy to do

Unambiguous Meaning

The phrase should have only one meaning. For example, “launch the project” can mean either to start or to abandon the project. Use only phrases with direct meanings, not idioms like “bury your talent,” “play first fiddle,” or “separate the wheat from the chaff.”

Examples of effective commands:

• I am confident.
• I easily remember new foreign words.
• Call me tomorrow.
• Sign the contract.
• You enjoy running in the morning.
• You are relaxing.
• It’s easy for you to concentrate.
• You recover quickly.
• The pain is going away.

Exercise: Constructing Commands

Come up with 3–4 commands for each of the following problems/tasks:

• I regularly plan to go to bed early, but end up staying on the computer late.
• A teenager is afraid of taking exams.
• The husband forgets to take out the trash.
• I can’t make myself run in the mornings.
• It’s hard to remember foreign words.

Keep in mind that the same problem can be solved in different ways. First, it’s helpful to find out what exactly is preventing the person from doing what they want. For example, “it’s hard to remember foreign words” could be because:

• The person lacks motivation to review them.
• They keep putting off studying.
• They have trouble memorizing.
• They are inattentive during study and get distracted.
• They don’t like learning the language.
• And so on.

Accordingly, the commands will be different.

Second, you can give commands for both actions and changes in evaluation:

• You can quickly learn new French words.
• You enjoy learning new French words.
• And so on.