NLP: Speech Strategies in Practice – Part 2

By Dr. Ethan CaldwellNLP Training

NLP: Speech Strategies. Part 2 – Practice

Hello everyone, this is Pavluu! Today, I’d like to share some practical material on speech strategies, because pure theory alone is unlikely to help you with your manipulations—or anything else, for that matter.

  • This article is a direct supplement to the theory of speech strategies. Be sure to try the exercises if you find this topic interesting.
  • If you haven’t read anything about this before, at least start with this article.

Training

To properly construct a speech strategy, you first need to clearly define what action you want to get from the other person. All these speech constructions work like commands. And it’s this command that you need to formulate.

First, you need to clarify the context. So, who is meeting whom, and what’s the catch?

  • Does there always have to be a catch?

If there are no difficulties, I don’t see the need to use any tricky techniques.

  • A young man is meeting a girl. On the street.

So what’s the difficulty?

  • He wants to be more confident that she won’t refuse.

More confidence for the young man? So, are we now constructing phrases to boost his confidence? I just don’t quite understand who’s supposed to say them to him. The girl? Or maybe the goal isn’t defined quite correctly.

  • The command for the girl: call me.

So, other ways of communication—email, SMS—are rejected? Okay. Why do you want her to call?

  • To continue the relationship.

So, you want a relationship, not just a call. What kind of relationship?

  • So that she likes him.

Alright. The command: you like me. For most young men, the very fact that she calls is proof that she likes him. So, options with calls are acceptable.

What are some possible strategies?

  • The longer we talk, the more you like me.
  • How much do you like me?
  • I’m glad you noticed me.
  • You can call me or email me.
  • As soon as you remember—call me.
  • When you realize how much you like me—call me.

A bit bold, but in some cases, it might work.

  • You can call me tomorrow, or not at all, but it would be better if you called me today.
  • Don’t call me tomorrow or the day after.

Alright, you’ve handled the girls. Let’s take another scenario: a girl meets a young man. What’s the situation and what difficulties are we overcoming?

  • For example, they met at a party. She wants him to take the initiative.

Good. Options:

  • You can call me tonight or tomorrow afternoon.
  • It’s customary for the man to call first.

That’s a truism.

  • In case you forget my number, here’s my business card.

But then he forgets everything. You’re actually giving him the command “forget my number.” I’d suggest this instead:

  • To help you remember my number even better, I’ll give you my business card.

At least here, it’s assumed your conversation partner already remembers your number.

  • And if he doesn’t remember?

In the reality you’ve created for him, he remembers the number. And he’ll try to live up to it.

  • If you want to remember my number, write it down.
  • Did you remember my number well enough?

Better. But you’re getting carried away with memorization. The fact that he remembers your number doesn’t mean he’ll call. In this context, calling is more important than remembering. He doesn’t have to memorize the number—he just needs to have it. That’s what business cards, paper, pens, and lipstick are for…

  • What does lipstick have to do with it?

It’s great for writing on a piece of paper or on the guy’s hand—it’s a good anchor, stands out, and gives you a reason to say:

  • During our phone conversation…

Of course, this technique works best in intimate relationships. Not the best option for a job interview…

  • But there’s no command to call here?

You don’t always have to give a direct command—you can be more flexible. These are indirect presuppositions: to have a phone conversation, you first have to call. That’s already part of the experience. More options:

  • The more carefully you look at the number, the better you’ll remember it.

I guess this is a copy of the phrase “the more carefully you read the contract…” It’s a command to improve memory. So, the main problem with men is that they forget… phone numbers, whose numbers they are, and even where they were yesterday… Then the optimal phrase is: “The more carefully you look at the number, the better you remember my face?”

  • Maybe it’s better to write down the numbers and give commands for action?
  • You can call me tomorrow or the day after.
  • When you call me, tell me how it all turned out?
  • During our next phone conversation, I’ll tell you the rest of the story.

Wonderful.

  • Before you leave work tomorrow, call me.
  • I’ll write down my number for you, and you call me tomorrow afternoon.

Good, pretty smooth.

  • I’m curious, will you call me in the morning or in the evening?

Two speech strategies in one phrase.

  • If you go to lunch tomorrow—call me.
  • Don’t call me right away when you get back.
  • When you call, remind me to give you that company’s number.

Excellent!

Exercises

  1. Exercise “Mirroring”
    Form groups of three: Operator, Client, Director. Make 9 cards for speech strategies.
    The Director will show cards to the Client, who will insert the corresponding speech strategies into their speech, and the Operator should respond with a construction of the same type, but, if possible, using different connectors (or different semantic turns). For example, if the Client says:

    If you look out the window, you’ll see something interesting.

    The Operator can reply:

    Yes, indeed, since I’m looking there, I can see something interesting.

    Or:

    Client: People can talk.
    Operator: And animals can run.

    ~ 20 minutes.

  2. Exercise “Constructing Speech Strategies”
    Define a situation (task) and write 3 speech strategies of each type for it. You’ll get (3×9) 27 options.
    Situation: Get your son to wash the dishes.

    • Truisms
      • In families, household chores are usually shared.
      • You can wash the dishes right now.
      • Children usually help their parents.
    • Presuppositions
      • Before you wash the dishes, call Dima.
      • Eat and then wash the dishes.
      • I’ll cook dinner, and you’ll wash the dishes.
    • Contrasts
      • The longer you eat, the faster you wash the dishes.
      • The less time until the movie, the faster you need to wash the dishes.
      • The longer you wait, the more dishes you’ll have to wash.
    • Questions
      • When do you want to wash the dishes?
      • Did you notice it’s time to wash the dishes?
      • Do you remember you need to wash the dishes?
    • Evaluations
      • I really like it when you wash the dishes.
      • It’s important to wash the dishes right after you eat.
      • I doubt you’ll finish washing the dishes before the cartoon starts.
    • Time Shifts
      • When will you start washing the dishes?
      • Have you already washed the dishes?
      • Start washing the dishes right after you eat.
    • False Choices
      • Will you wash the dishes now or after you go to the store?
      • Will you wash the dishes before or after the cartoon?
      • You can wash the dishes now or in half an hour.
    • All Choices
      • You can wash the dishes after the movie, or not at all, but it’s better to wash them right after you eat.
      • You can wash the dishes with your brother, I can wash them, or you can do it all yourself.
      • You can wash only your own dishes, your sister’s too, but it’s best if you wash everything.
    • Negations in Commands
      • No need to wash the dishes right away.
      • Don’t wash the dishes with this sponge.
      • Don’t wash the dishes before you do your homework.

    Come up with at least 3 situations.

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