NLP Reset Technique for Resolving Difficult Situations
There are several ways to perceive a situation. You can be inside it and see everything through your own eyes (association), or you can look at yourself in the situation from the outside (dissociation – state break).
Choosing a Situation
Please choose a difficult situation in your life where you can’t decide what to do. Maybe you can’t choose between several options, and none of them seem right. Or maybe you don’t have any options at all. This could be an emotional or intellectual dead end—when you’ve tried everything you know, but nothing new comes to mind.
In corporate trainings, we usually list common problems: tough negotiations, sales, firing employees, hiring new ones—anything that is stressful, important, and difficult at the same time.
Please do not choose highly traumatic experiences or moments in your life that bring you to tears when you remember them. This is, after all, just a book, and it’s about decision-making, not deep psychotherapy. Pick something important, but not overwhelming—something you haven’t been able to resolve. Do this now.
Association: Experiencing the Situation
Attention: The first time, please read the entire exercise description before doing it. The second time, read it again as you perform the steps.
To “associate” (just read for now!), you’ll need to take the same posture you had or would have in that situation. If you usually stand, stand up. If you sit, sit down. Make the facial expression you’d normally have. If you tend to cross your arms or legs, do that. This helps with visualization. You can try it without these steps for comparison and notice the difference.
Next, vividly and in detail, imagine the scene. What do you usually see when you’re there? Where is it—at home, in the office, outside, in a club? Make the image big, bright, panoramic—really lifelike. If there’s movement, make it dynamic.
Turn on the sound. What do you usually hear? Conversations, music, street noise? Remember your inner dialogue. What do you say to yourself in this situation? Reproduce the tones and nuances. Notice your bodily sensations. Don’t try to change anything at this stage—just observe. Your breathing, heartbeat, trembling, internal movements, tension? Scan your body mentally. Do a quick internal inventory. Again, don’t try to change anything—just notice.
Finally, if you can name these emotions, do so. Just say to yourself, “I am experiencing [emotion].” Then step out of the situation.
To sum up, to associate with the situation, you need to recreate:
- Body language: posture, facial expression
- The visual scene
- Sounds
- Inner dialogue
- Notice sensations and emotions
State Break (Reset)
- Physically move to a different spot from where you just associated with the unpleasant situation. Take two steps to the side.
- Then take a deep breath in through your nose, and as you exhale, shake yourself out. Shake your hands, legs, your whole body. Imagine you’re a dog shaking off water. For extra effect, you can make a continuous sound as you exhale, like “A-a-a-a-a…” or “U-u-u-u-u…”. Do this 3-4 times. Yes, it looks funny, but it’s important so your negative state doesn’t carry over into the exercise. You should ALWAYS do this before starting any mental exercise.
They say it’s hard to taste ice cream when you have steak in your mouth. In the same way, it’s hard to change your state when your body is still stuck in the old one. We shake ourselves to leave the old state behind.
Wine tasters rinse their mouths with water when switching between wines. In French perfume shops, there are bags of coffee beans to smell between scents. These help “reset” your senses so you’re ready for something new. Shaking yourself helps reset your feelings. You could take a shower, but shaking is easier.