NLP: Reframing Your Life Story

The stories you tell yourself are your life. We all tell stories. The narratives we share with ourselves and others shape our self-identity and show who we are. They give life meaning, help us make sense of the world, and guide our actions.

That’s why it’s important to pay attention to what we constantly say to ourselves and others. We are not influenced by the objective world, but by how we perceive and interpret it. Any story can be told from a different angle. In other words, you can reframe your life story so that it helps and serves you.

Here are four ways to rethink your life stories and start creating a better life for yourself.

1. Describe a Difficult Problem

Professor James Pennebaker describes a method he has developed over many years: it involves using writing exercises to help deal with difficult life events.

Try the following:

• Think about something that happened to you more than 18 months ago—something you still can’t get out of your mind.
• Set aside 15–20 minutes at the end of the day to write about this problem. As you write, don’t pause or censor yourself—just keep writing without stopping. Write only for yourself. Be completely open.
• Do this for four days in a row. You can continue longer if you wish.

When people do this exercise, the first day’s writing often seems disorganized. But with each session, the story starts to come together, making it possible to process and find meaning in it.

Ask yourself: What did you learn from this experience? What did you lose and what did you gain? Also, consider how these past events influence your thoughts and actions now and in the future.

After four days, you’ll find that you interpret this story very differently. Many fears turn out to be imagined, and you can see the situation from a new perspective.

2. Write About the Current Chapter of Your Life

Psychotherapist Kim Schneiderman says there are many ways to tell the same story, and we should always look for the best version to help ourselves feel hopeful.

Here’s a quote from her book, “Step Out of Your Story”:

“Stuck in the same old story, many of us believe so deeply in ingrained tales of victimhood and martyrdom that we can hardly imagine an alternative, positive, and redemptive reading of our life story. Perhaps because we were taught to see life through a single lens, we simply don’t notice other, more inspiring ones that could set us free.”

Think about a problem you’re facing right now and write a story about it. Schneiderman recommends writing in the third person (not “I,” but “he/she”).

Your story should include:

• Introduction
• Conflict
• Protagonist (you)
• Antagonist (a person or circumstance)
• Help
• Resolution

Ask yourself how the conflict can be resolved. Also, consider what this situation can teach you. Then, start creating the ending you want for your story.

3. Write an Inspiring Chapter

Michael Hyatt, a popular blogger and author, writes that when he was 29, he became Vice President of Marketing at a major publishing house. This was a huge leap for his age, so he felt he didn’t deserve it. Michael was convinced that the executives would soon realize they’d made a mistake by promoting him.

At every meeting, Michael would sweat profusely and his hands would be ice-cold. He did everything he could to hide these symptoms of nervousness:

• He wore two shirts, hoping one would absorb the sweat so it wouldn’t show through to the other.
• He washed his hands with hot water so people wouldn’t notice how cold they were when shaking hands.

However, Michael soon realized that the root of his problem was the story he was telling himself. He kept saying he was a fraud, and his body responded accordingly. Then he decided to rewrite his story and started telling himself that his youth was an advantage—he was energetic and had fresh ideas. He also learned quickly and could fix mistakes almost on the fly. As soon as he started doing this, he immediately relaxed. The symptoms disappeared, and his work improved.

Ask yourself:

• What unpleasant stories do you tell yourself about yourself?
• How can you turn them into positive and inspiring ones?

Rethink your life stories.

4. Create New Stories

Your mind is always watching you. If you want your mind to start telling positive stories, step onto the stage and do something positive:

• Want your mind to tell stories about what a good person you are? Help someone.
• Want your mind to tell stories about your perseverance? Think of a goal you abandoned and achieve it.
• Want to see yourself as brave and enterprising? Go on a solo trip.

Always look for new opportunities to create positive stories about yourself and your life.