NLP: Metaphors for Working with Emotions, States, and Beliefs
Metaphors are present in almost every area of human activity. The most relevant fields for using metaphors are psychology, PR, and marketing. According to the results of a large-scale study on the phenomenon of genius, Robert Dilts names the use of metaphors as one of the traits of geniuses. Using metaphors to work with emotions, states, and beliefs is a truly brilliant discovery of humanity. Since ancient times, people have used allegory and analogy to express anger, aggression, and fear. In ancient Chinese culture, mastering one’s emotions was considered a virtue and an essential quality of a true warrior, which is why ancient metaphors have survived to this day. You could say that managing emotions is one of the main qualities of a modern manager. Here are some useful metaphors for working with negative emotional states, limiting beliefs, and convictions.
Resentment
A student approached his Teacher and said, “Teacher, life is very hard for me because people offend me. And I hold grudges against them for a long time. What should I do?” The Teacher gave him a small bag of nails and said, “Every time you feel offended, you must hammer a nail into the wall.”
On the first day, the boy hammered 26 nails into the wall. By the next week, he learned to control his anger, and each day the number of nails hammered into the wall decreased. The boy realized it was easier to control his temper than to hammer nails. Finally, the day came when the boy didn’t lose his composure even once. He told his Teacher, and the Teacher said, “Every day you manage to restrain yourself, you can pull one nail out of the wall.”
Time passed, and eventually, the boy could tell his Teacher that there were no more nails left in the wall. The Teacher took him by the hand and led him to the wall: “You did well, but do you see how many holes are left in the wall? It will never be the same as before. When you say something hurtful to someone, they are left with a scar just like these holes. And it doesn’t matter how many times you apologize—the scar remains. A verbal scar is just as painful as a physical one.”
“But what should I do about the holes left in the wall after the nails?” the student asked. The Teacher replied, “You’ll have to live with them for the rest of your life.”
Five Simple Rules for Happiness
One day, a farmer’s donkey fell into a well. The donkey cried out loudly for help. The farmer came running and threw up his hands: “How can I get him out?”
The farmer thought, “My donkey is old. He doesn’t have much time left. I was planning to buy a new young donkey anyway. And the well is almost dry. I’ve been meaning to fill it in and dig a new one elsewhere. Why not do it now? I’ll bury the donkey, too, so there’s no smell.”
He invited all his neighbors to help him fill in the well. Everyone grabbed shovels and started throwing dirt into the well. The donkey immediately realized what was happening and began to scream. Suddenly, to everyone’s surprise, he quieted down. After a few shovelfuls, the farmer decided to look down into the well.
He was amazed by what he saw. Each clump of dirt that landed on the donkey’s back, the donkey shook off and stepped on. Soon, to everyone’s astonishment, the donkey appeared at the top—and jumped out of the well!
…In life, you’ll encounter a lot of “dirt,” and life will keep sending you new portions. Every time a clump of dirt falls, shake it off and step up. That’s the only way you’ll get out of the well.
Every problem is like a stepping stone in a stream. If you don’t stop or give up, you can get out of even the deepest well.
Shake it off and climb up. To be happy, remember five simple rules:
- Free your heart from hatred—forgive.
- Free your heart from worries—most of them never happen.
- Live simply and appreciate what you have.
- Give more.
- Expect less.
Different Tactics
Epigraph:
— I work from morning till night!
— But when do you think?
(Dialogue between a young physicist and the genius Rutherford)
You may have seen this on TV, heard it on the radio, or read about it in the newspapers, but this time the annual world championship was held in British Columbia. The finalists were a Canadian and a Norwegian.
Their task was as follows: each was assigned a section of forest. The winner would be the one who could fell the most trees from 8 a.m. to 4 p.m.
At eight o’clock, the whistle blew and the two lumberjacks took their positions. They chopped tree after tree until the Canadian heard the Norwegian stop. Realizing this was his chance, the Canadian doubled his efforts.
At nine o’clock, the Canadian heard the Norwegian start working again. They worked almost in sync, until at 9:50, the Canadian heard the Norwegian stop again. Once more, the Canadian worked harder, hoping to take advantage of his opponent’s weakness.
At ten, the Norwegian resumed work. At 10:50, he paused again. With growing confidence, the Canadian kept up his pace, already sensing victory.
This continued all day. Every hour, the Norwegian stopped for ten minutes, while the Canadian kept working. When the final whistle blew at exactly 4 p.m., the Canadian was sure he had won.
Imagine his surprise when he learned he had lost.
“How did that happen?” he asked the Norwegian. “Every hour I heard you stop for ten minutes. How on earth did you manage to cut more wood than me? It’s impossible.”
“It’s actually very simple,” the Norwegian replied. “Every hour I stopped for ten minutes. While you kept chopping, I was sharpening my axe.”
The Crow and the Hare
A crow was sitting on a tree branch. A hare ran by, looked at the crow, and asked:
— Crow, can I just sit here all day and do nothing?
— Sure, said the crow.
The hare sat down under the tree.
Soon, a wolf ran by. He saw the hare calmly sitting under the tree, grabbed him, and ate him.
MORAL: To be able to sit and do nothing, you need to be sitting high up.
Two Little Boys
Last summer, a teacher was sitting by the sea, resting after a long field trip. She was eating a sandwich and watching what was happening on the beach. Two little boys, about six years old, were playing together. They ran around, laughed, and, a bit tired, sat down next to each other not far from her and started talking.
Maybe they had just met (kids make friends easily on vacation). Finally, one said to the other:
— What do you want to be when you grow up? I want to be a neurosurgeon.
— I don’t know. I’ve never thought about it. You know, I’m not very smart.
The wind carried away their conversation. The teacher wondered where the second boy got such a belief in his own limitations. Maybe from another teacher! Or from his parents. He’s six years old, and if he doesn’t change his mind, or if someone doesn’t help him change his perspective, it will negatively affect his life, limiting his belief in his own abilities and holding back his potential.
Beliefs are not truths. They are constructed by the environment, which shapes our behavior. Each of us acts as if these beliefs are true. For these reasons, all our beliefs are confirmed and become “true” by the principle of the self-fulfilling prophecy.
The Taste of Air
One day, the Teacher asked me:
— Do you taste the air?
I sniffed the forest air and named a few scents.
— Yes, you have a good sense of smell. But what about taste?
I stuck out my tongue a few times like a dog, but was still puzzled.
— All right, the Teacher smiled, and suddenly, jumping from behind, grabbed me and covered my mouth and nose.
I realized resistance was useless, but after a minute, my survival instinct made me thrash and squirm. Then the Teacher let me go, and I took a deep breath of Life.
— The taste of life, I said, catching my breath.
— Exactly. You should always feel this taste. It’s also in water, in food, and in many other things. Don’t eat what lacks the main taste. Don’t talk to those who are dead inside. Drink from the Cup of Life with pleasure, but don’t rush, because you can empty it too soon, or spill it altogether.
Do They Limit or Open New Possibilities?
The Parable of Feelings
They say that once, in a corner of the earth, all human feelings and qualities gathered together.
When BOREDOM yawned for the third time, MADNESS suggested, “Let’s play hide and seek!” INTRIGUE raised an eyebrow, “Hide and seek? What kind of game is that?” MADNESS explained that one of them, for example, itself, would be “it”—close their eyes and count to a million, while the others hide. The last one found would be “it” next time, and so on. ENTHUSIASM danced with EUPHORIA, JOY jumped so much that it convinced DOUBT, but only APATHY, who was never interested in anything, refused to play. TRUTH preferred not to hide, because in the end, she’s always found. PRIDE said it was a completely silly game (she cared about nothing but herself). And COWARDICE really didn’t want to take risks.
“One, two, three…” MADNESS began to count. LAZINESS was the first to hide, behind the nearest rock. FAITH rose to the heavens, and ENVY hid in the shadow of TRIUMPH, who managed to climb to the top of the tallest tree. NOBILITY couldn’t hide for a long time, because every place it found seemed perfect for its friends: a crystal-clear lake—for BEAUTY. A tree hollow—for FEAR. A butterfly’s wing—for LUST. A breeze—for FREEDOM! So it disguised itself in a sunbeam. EGOISM, on the other hand, found a warm and cozy spot just for itself. LIE hid at the bottom of the ocean (actually, it hid in a rainbow), and PASSION and DESIRE hid in a volcano’s crater. FORGETFULNESS—I don’t even remember where it hid, but that’s not important. When MADNESS finished counting to 999,999, LOVE was still looking for a place to hide, but everything was already taken. Suddenly, she saw a beautiful rose bush and decided to hide among its flowers.
“A million,” MADNESS finished counting and started searching. The first it found was LAZINESS. Then it heard FAITH arguing with God, and it found PASSION and DESIRE by the trembling volcano. Then MADNESS saw ENVY and guessed where TRIUMPH was hiding.
EGOISM didn’t even need to be found, because it was hiding in a beehive, and the bees decided to kick out the uninvited guest. While searching, MADNESS went to drink from a stream and saw BEAUTY. DOUBT was sitting by the fence, deciding which side to hide on. So, everyone was found: TALENT—in the fresh, juicy grass, SADNESS—in a dark cave, LIE—in the rainbow (though honestly, it was hiding at the bottom of the ocean). Only LOVE couldn’t be found…
MADNESS searched behind every tree, in every stream, on every mountaintop, and finally decided to look in the rose bushes. As it parted the branches, it heard a scream. The sharp thorns of the roses had injured LOVE’s eyes. MADNESS didn’t know what to do, began to apologize, cried, begged for forgiveness, and to atone for its guilt, promised to be LOVE’s guide. And so, ever since the first time hide and seek was played on earth, LOVE is blind and MADNESS leads her by the hand…
Ascent
Everyone told him that this peak was dangerous. Everyone told him that this mountain was the highest in the world. Everyone said that no one had ever been to the top. But one morning, he gathered everything he needed and set out.
The climb was incredibly difficult. Many times he balanced on the thin edge between life and death. His body seemed foreign and sometimes reluctantly obeyed his brain’s commands. But he kept climbing, gritting his teeth and whispering words no one could hear.
The last meters felt like hell. His mind could no longer understand where he was, often painting strange, surreal pictures. Then his body took over the seemingly impossible task and kept climbing.
Reaching the summit in total darkness, he filled the space around him with a wild cry of victory and fell into a short, restless sleep.
But dawn brought new impressions: a few miles from the conquered peak began the path to a mountain twice as high as the one he had just climbed.
I Don’t Want Ham!
Your well-being depends on your own decisions.
(John Rockefeller, 1839–1937, the richest man in American history)
Two men worked at a construction site. During lunch break, they usually sat on the curb and took out their sandwiches. One man unwrapped his food, rubbed his hands in anticipation, and said:
— Wonderful! I’m so hungry! Chicken, cheese and tuna sandwiches, chips, fruit…
The second man looked at his sandwiches and sighed heavily.
— Oh God, ham again! I’m so sick of it! This is the third time this week I’ve had ham sandwiches. I can’t stand it anymore!
— Don’t worry so much, his friend tried to comfort him. If you don’t want ham, just tell your wife to make you something else!
The man seemed confused.
— What are you talking about? he said. I’m not married, I make my own sandwiches.
How Old Are You?
Once, Galileo was asked, “How old are you?” He replied, “Eight or ten…” Of course, he couldn’t have been that young, as he already had a gray beard.
He then explained his strange answer: “I am as old as I have left to live: I do not possess the years I have lived, just as you do not possess money you have already spent.”