NLP: Making Peace Between Parts of Your Personality

Hello, villains! This is Stalilingus! Today, I’ll tell you about the many different personalities living inside us and what to do about it. Think of it as a “crowd of people” inside you, each wanting something different. When these inner parts want different things, it can lead to internal conflict, making it hard to manipulate, lie professionally, or even just get what you want!

To manage others well, you first need to understand yourself. Otherwise, others will end up managing you!

Examples of Simple Internal Conflicts:

• Someone needs something from you, but you think they’re a jerk.
• You need to work, but you want to relax.
• You need to get up, but you want to sleep more.
• You need to exercise, but you want to lounge on the couch.

We often blame these struggles on laziness, but they usually lead to procrastination.

A Technique to Resolve Internal Conflicts

Let’s look at the conflict: “I need to write an article, but I want to watch a movie.” (That’s exactly what I’m dealing with right now!) Even if you force yourself to start working, you’ll keep thinking about the movie. If you watch the movie, you’ll feel guilty about not working. This cycle can go on and on, and without real effort, you’ll probably just end up watching the movie.

The goal of this technique is to remove the conflict so you can freely do what you “need” and enjoy what you “want.”

Step 1: Identify the Conflict

Clearly define the conflict and figure out which parts are interfering with each other. This technique only works if both parts are mutually interfering. Calibrate your physical sensations for each part.

Step 2: Name the Parts and Discover Their Intentions

Let’s call the parts “Work” (need) and “Leisure” (want). Imagine each part in your sensory system. The easiest way is to use your hands: place each part in a different hand. Notice what images, sounds, or feelings are associated with each part.

Step 3: Have Each Part Describe the Other

Ask each part to describe its opponent and pay attention to your physical sensations. Check if each part feels the other is interfering. For the technique to work, both answers should be “yes.”

Step 4: Identify the Positive Intention of Each Part

Make sure each part understands the other’s positive intention and that their conflict is preventing both from reaching their goals. For “Work,” the intention might be to complete a task quickly. For “Leisure,” it might be to enjoy new emotions from a movie. Achieving one goal delays the other. Find the shared positive intention of both parts. In this case, it’s likely inner harmony—fulfilling both parts leads to a sense of accomplishment, reduced anxiety, and the ability to move on to new goals.

Step 5: Continue Until the Conflict Is Gone

Repeat the process of finding shared positive intentions until the parts are no longer in conflict and their representations merge into one pattern. For “Work” and “Leisure,” this means fulfilling the shared positive intention. A sensory confirmation might be, for example, enjoying a nice dinner in a calm setting.

Step 6: Make an Agreement

Ask your hands—and the conflicting parts—to agree and merge into one part of your personality. See if you like this new image. Integrate this new part into yourself. Remember, integration is not compromise or denial.

Step 7: Test in Future Situations

Imagine a future situation where you’ll be watching another movie and writing another article (say, in three days). Are you satisfied with the result? If disagreements come up, go back to steps 1–6.

Step 8: Ecological Check

Check if any other parts might be affected by the agreement. For example, maybe you need to spend time with your child or walk the dog. If needed, repeat the technique.

Despite its apparent simplicity, this technique works. Through a playful process, you analyze and work through the internal factors causing your problem, develop an acceptable strategy, and resolve inner conflicts.

By the way, since I finished writing this article and haven’t watched the movie (yet), the technique works!

Your Stalilingus