NLP Magic Phrases: How to Find Your Resourceful State
To overcome personal challenges, a person needs to find the one true resourceful state. And if such a state doesn’t exist, it should be invented! (In search of a resourceful state.)
In our previous materials on NLP, we’ve often discussed that anyone can handle their own problems—if only they find that unique, correct resourceful state.
Let’s recall that NLP presents all available information as a library of reference experiences, arranged along a timeline. This library contains old entries—reference experiences from the past. Some belong to us, while others belong to other people, real or fictional. The first are called actual references, the second—constructed references.
This vast information library also has current entries (our present)—just open your eyes and absorb them. There are even reference experiences of the future, like predictions from futurists, science fiction novels, or dream journal entries.
Some books in this library are stained with tears or smudged with chocolatey fingers—these have colorful illustrations inside. These are the reference experiences we call, following NLP, personal ones. They’re highly emotional and touch our very personality.
Other books are printed in small black font, containing only diagrams and tables—these are informational reference experiences. They only tell us how to do something, but lack emotion.
And the whole point of this “library” is to help us find, in time, the right resourceful state to win the next round in the game called “My Life Quest.”
Constructed References
NLP practitioners have long realized that the richest, juiciest, and most useful resourceful states are found on the shelf with constructed references.
That is, not our own experience (which is often, unfortunately, limited), but the experiences of others—or even better, the experiences of entirely fictional characters: heroes of legends and myths, both ancient (fairy tales) and modern (movies).
In short, NLP once again proves the value of two things that are hard to overestimate:
- The value of live communication between people, to share information and stories of success,
- And the value of world art and literature in particular.
These two sources—stories of other people and stories of fictional characters—are the constructed references or resourceful states that help us survive, win, and become stronger at crucial moments and beyond.
The Magic NLP Phrase
Now we’re getting to the main point—the magic phrase, the magic word hidden in the egg, the hare, and the duck (a reference to Russian folklore).
When someone can’t find a resourceful state from their own experience, NLP suggests they use their imagination (turn to constructed references). Usually, an NLP coach will ask: “Think about what qualities would help you handle this situation?”
From school literature, we remember that Pierre Bezukhov (from War and Peace) immediately knew how to answer this unspoken question:
“If I were not myself, but the most handsome, intelligent, and best person in the world, and if I were free, I would marry you this very minute.”
Pierre wanted to marry Natasha Rostova but couldn’t at the time. Still, he was able to clearly formulate the resourceful state that would help him in that situation.
Once a resourceful state is formulated, it soon comes true—as War and Peace demonstrates. A person receives what they have defined as their condition for happiness. Fate may help (by ending a bad marriage), or the person may change themselves (realizing they’re not so stupid, ugly, or bad after all).
But many NLP clients, when asked, “What qualities would help you handle this situation?” reply that they don’t know what qualities would help.
This is where a magic phrase, or NLP incantation, comes into play. Attention!
This magic phrase is like a Zen koan! Just like a koan, it blows up the mind and conventional logic, because it is irrational, illogical, and linguistically incorrect. That’s exactly what’s needed—to break someone out of their usual patterns and negative trajectories.
The incantation-question should sound something like this: “But if you did know what resource would help you, what would it be?”
This magic phrase simply breaks down the barrier of self-doubt and distrust in one’s own experience.
Just like in Zen practice, while the doubting mind is busy with the absurdity of this paradoxical question, the person’s unconscious manages to provide a clear and useful answer. This answer can appear in different forms:
- As a visual image,
- As a vague tactile sensation,
- As a phrase that comes out of nowhere,
- As a strange dream after the conversation.
All that’s left is to be patient and wait. Sometimes the answer comes immediately, sometimes later.
Experienced teachers use the same NLP technique when teaching students who face blocks and complexes, believing they are “incapable.”
For example, a shy and withdrawn child is asked, “What is two plus eight?” Anyone who’s worked with kids knows—a child may stay silent for a long time, completely closed off, afraid to make a mistake and “get in trouble.”
At this moment, a teacher-psychologist never pressures the child, but instead asks: “But if you did know the right answer, what would it be?”
Practice shows: the child immediately engages and gives an answer, which is almost always correct!
So, you don’t know what would help you handle your situation? That’s fine…
But if you did know what resource would help you, what would it be?
To make it easier to imagine, ask the person to picture themselves as an all-knowing wizard or a know-it-all straight-A student (like Hermione Granger), and from that role, give themselves wise advice.
Practice using this Zen-like question. It’s like a pickaxe that chips away at the stone of our consciousness, revealing the source of precious wisdom hidden in the unconscious.
Anyone can handle their own problems—if only they find that unique, correct resourceful state. And if it doesn’t exist, it should be invented!