NLP: Identifying Beliefs

One of the most common questions in NLP is: how exactly do you identify beliefs? Naturally, the most interesting beliefs are those you (or your client) want to change. However, knowing about your useful beliefs is also valuable. There are some differences between identifying your own beliefs and identifying someone else’s.

Identifying Your Own Beliefs

When working with your own beliefs, you need to accurately calibrate your reactions. This involves calibrating your level of conviction and internal agreement. For example, suppose you think you have the belief, “I can’t handle difficulties.”

• Ask yourself: “Is this really my belief?” and calibrate your answer as “yes” or “no.”
• If the answer is “yes,” rate your level of conviction on a scale (e.g., 7 out of 10, with your belief threshold at 5).
• If both calibrations match—your conviction is above the threshold and you genuinely agree—then it’s likely a true belief.
• Determine if this belief is empowering or limiting. If it’s limiting, decide if you want to change it.
• If you’re ready to change it, identify its full form, meaning, and type.

Here are some examples of how to identify beliefs. Most of these methods you’ve probably used in some form, so this is mainly a way to structure your knowledge and skills.

Already Know

This is the simplest method—you believe you already know the belief. Just check if that’s really the case.

Common Beliefs

Go through the most common beliefs in a given context and calibrate which ones are true for you as well.

Beliefs About Values

Take an important value in a specific context and identify the beliefs associated with it (checking your answers through calibration). Then, if needed, determine which beliefs are empowering and which are limiting.

Behavioral Intentions

Problematic behaviors are often supported by underlying beliefs. To identify them, determine the intention behind the behavior and the beliefs related to that value.

1. Identify the behavior you’re unhappy with.
2. Find out the intention (value) behind this behavior by asking:
   • Why do I need this?
   • What will this give me?
   • What’s the point of this?
3. Identify beliefs related to this value.

For example, if you have the problematic behavior of being rude to others when you’re very tired, you might have an internal dialogue like this:

• Why am I rude to others? – To relieve irritation.
• What’s the point of relieving irritation? – I can better control my state.
• What will controlling my state give me? – I’ll stop snapping at others.
• What will that give me? – Self-confidence.
• So, the intention behind being rude when tired is self-confidence? – Yes (calibrate for congruence).

Then, identify your beliefs about “self-confidence” (and calibrate if they’re true for you):

• Cause: “To be self-confident, you need to maintain your boundaries.”
• Effect: “When you’re self-confident, people treat you with respect.”
• Criteria: “I’m self-confident when I’m calm, in control, and know what to do.”
• Definition: “Self-confidence is being in the right place in a situation.”
• Category: “I’m a fairly self-confident person.”

Of these, only the belief about the cause—“To be self-confident, you need to maintain your boundaries”—is limiting. It implies that any violation of your boundaries must be stopped immediately, even with rudeness, shouting, or fighting. This is the belief you may want to change.

Identifying Other People’s Beliefs

When identifying someone else’s beliefs, the calibration process is a bit different. You still need to calibrate agreement and conviction, but you’re calibrating the client, not yourself. For agreement, remember that with limiting beliefs, there may not be a smile or relaxed lips. To calibrate someone else’s conviction, ask them to name three things they’re certain about and three things they doubt. These can be simple, like “The Earth orbits the Sun,” “It’s warmer in summer than in winter,” “I’m thirty-five years old” (certain), and “Women take a long time to get dressed,” “You can’t trust anyone,” “You can’t get rich honestly” (doubtful). Then, identify at least three signs of conviction and three signs of doubt.

You can also ask the person to rate their level of conviction, but always check their answer through calibration.

When identifying someone else’s belief:

• Calibrate their level of conviction as they state the belief.
• Check for congruence—repeat the belief back and observe their agreement:
  • “You believe that nobody loves you?”
  • “Yes, that’s right” (nods, symmetrical posture, quick response—congruent agreement).
• Determine if the belief is empowering or limiting. If it’s limiting, find out if they’re ready to change it.
• If they’re ready, help them identify its full form, meaning, and type.

The previous methods—“already know,” “common beliefs,” “beliefs about values,” and “behavioral intentions”—can also be used with clients, but you calibrate their reactions instead of your own. Here are a few more methods:

Stating Rules

When someone states a rule, they’re often expressing a belief. Usually, you just need to clarify and calibrate if it’s truly their belief.

• “A person shouldn’t be ashamed of their flaws” (calibrated as a belief).
• “So you believe a person shouldn’t be ashamed of their flaws?”
• “Yes” (congruent agreement).
• “Rate this statement from 0 to 10, where 0 is doubt and 10 is complete certainty.”
• “I think 8 or 9.”

Reason for Evaluation

When someone evaluates something, they usually rely on their beliefs.

• “He acted wrongly.”
• “What exactly did he do?”
• “He yelled at my colleague. And yelling at people is wrong” (calibrated as a belief).
• “Why do you think yelling at people is wrong?”
• “Because it humiliates them.”
• “So you believe yelling at people is wrong because it humiliates them?”
• “Yes” (congruent agreement).

Strong Emotions

If someone experiences a strong emotion, it’s likely that their beliefs are involved. By asking questions, you can uncover these beliefs. Here’s a quick guide to what often triggers certain emotions (these are common but not universal):

• Excitement – possibility of winning
• Guilt – I did something wrong, violated important values
• Delight – received much more than expected
• Admiration – someone did something very important and good
• Anger – my important values were unjustly violated
• Pride – I fairly/deservedly achieved something important
• Grief – loss of something very important
• Rage – someone (unjustly) violates my important values or principles
• Fear – (possible) problem in the future
• Happiness – my important values are fairly satisfied
• Anxiety – possible (usually vague) danger in the future
• Surprise – reaction to the unexpected
• Horror – a very big problem in the future

Example:

• “I’m really angry.”
• “Who are you angry at?”
• “At my husband.”
• “What did he do?”
• “He humiliated me!”
• “How exactly did he humiliate you?”
• “He told our friends I’m a bad cook.”
• “What exactly about that was humiliating?”
• “Because instead of supporting me, he started saying nasty things.”
• “Should a husband support his wife?”
• “Absolutely” (congruent agreement).
• “Rate this statement from 0 to 10, where 0 is doubt and 10 is complete certainty.”
• “10.”

Presuppositions in Speech

You can also learn about beliefs through presuppositions in someone’s speech. This makes sense, as people perceive their own beliefs as absolute truths. Working with presuppositions can reveal unexpected beliefs in certain contexts. Of course, you’ll need to bring the belief to awareness and calibrate it.

• “You know your wife will definitely cheat on you.”
• “So you think wives will definitely cheat on their husbands?”
• “Why does my husband hate me?”
• “So you believe your husband hates you?”
• “A marriage can last three months or three years.”
• “Are you sure those are the only two possible durations for a marriage—three months or three years?”
• “The more you try, the less you’re appreciated.”
• “Do you really believe that the more you try, the less you’re appreciated?”

Exercises

Common Beliefs

1. Choose a context relevant to you.
2. Identify the most common beliefs in this context.
3. Calibrate whether these are your beliefs as well.

Value Beliefs

1. Choose a relevant context.
2. Identify three or four important values for you in this context.
3. For each value, make a list of beliefs. For each belief, determine if it’s empowering or limiting.

Example:

• Context: Work
• Values: Respect, efficiency, competence
• Beliefs for the value “respect”:
  • Cause: “To be respected at work, you need to know everything thoroughly” (limiting).
  • Effect: “If you’re respected at work, you’ll get promoted” (empowering).
  • Criteria: “You’re respected at work when people consult you, consider your opinion, communicate politely, and support you” (empowering).
  • Definition: “Respect is recognition of your merits” (empowering).
  • Category: “I’m not respected much at work” (limiting).

Behavioral Intentions

1. Choose a behavior you want to change.
2. Identify the positive intention behind this behavior.
3. Make a list of beliefs for the corresponding value and determine which belief most supports this behavior.