Creating a Belief Change Technique Based on Language Patterns

Language patterns are strategies for constructing verbal reframing to change beliefs. They are very convenient for working with others, even implicitly, but not always as effective for self-work. However, if you have a change strategy, you can use it in a different form. For example, you can create a technique based on language patterns that allows you to change your own beliefs. This is useful if you want to explicitly change a belief and/or have more control over the intervention process.

Example: Using the “Separation” Language Pattern

Let’s take the “Separation” language pattern. How does it work? You need to show that a belief doesn’t hold up by breaking it down into parts so that most of the smaller parts contradict the overall belief. For example:

• Belief: “I’ll never be able to leave this job.”
• Question: “What exactly can’t you do: write a resignation letter, finish your current project, talk to your boss?”

Turning This Into a Technique

1. Identify the belief you want to change and how it is represented internally.
2. Break this belief into parts (decompose it) so that most of the “smaller” beliefs contradict the main belief. Ideally, split it into 3-5 parts, no more. For example:
   • Can’t be on time: can’t remember the time + can’t get ready + can’t leave on time;
   • Must always be attentive: must be attentive when getting dressed + when riding the subway + when walking down the street + when talking to people;
   • Lack of money means you’re not loved: lack of money means your dog doesn’t love you + your neighbor doesn’t love you + the TV announcer doesn’t love you + your husband doesn’t love you.
3. Imagine or recall situations where your behavior contradicts these “smaller” beliefs:
   • Quickly got ready for a trip;
   • Left on time;
   • Can remember the time;
   • Can relax while riding the subway;
   • My dog loves me;
   • The TV announcer is completely indifferent to me.
4. Observe how this changes the main belief.
5. Do an ecology check (make sure the new belief is safe and beneficial).
6. Link the new belief to future situations.

This is a preliminary description, but it’s important to test it on yourself first. Does it work? How does it work? Does it need adjustments?

Personal Example: Changing the Belief “I Must Be Liked by Everyone”

Suppose I have (or create) the belief: “I must be liked by everyone.” Internally, it looks like a movie: people around me are much bigger than me and looking at me; if I do nothing, they turn away and leave, and it’s important to me that they look at me.

I break the belief into parts: I must be liked by passersby, the cashier at the store, YouTube bloggers, colleagues, relatives.

I imagine situations where I don’t behave according to these smaller beliefs:

• When I picture passersby, they walk by and barely notice me—they’re basically indifferent; in the image, they’re the same size as me and look past me.
• Cashiers at the store give me a bit more attention, but they’re also pretty indifferent.
• YouTube bloggers don’t know me at all—they seem distant, behind glass.
• Colleagues—some like me, some don’t; in the image, those who like me are closer and looking at me, those who don’t are far away; I can do something to bring them closer or push them away.
• Relatives—their attitude is already formed, but I can change it with my actions.

The “big” belief has now changed—the image is smaller, a bit further away, and the people are more or less the same size as me. There’s now a sense of choice: if I want someone to like me, I do something; if I don’t want to change their attitude, I don’t have to do anything. The belief now sounds like: “Other people’s attitudes toward me are already formed, but I can change them with my actions.” This new belief feels lighter and freer. Now, in real life, I can decide whether it’s worth the effort to change someone’s attitude toward me, while keeping in mind how my actions might affect others’ opinions.

Ecology check—the new belief is safe. Future linkage—everything is fine.

Refining the Technique

The new technique works, but I’d make some changes to the description:

• Rephrase step 3 to include not only my actions but also things that happen independently of me;
• Before imagining how the belief changes, first imagine the new smaller beliefs together;
• Check how behavior changes after the belief changes;
• Emphasize the need to formulate the new belief.

With these adjustments, the technique looks like this:

1. Identify the belief you want to change and how it is represented internally.
2. Break this belief into parts (decompose it) so that most of the “smaller” beliefs contradict the main belief. Ideally, split it into 3-5 parts, no more.
3. Imagine or recall situations where what happens or your behavior contradicts the “smaller” beliefs.
4. Observe how this changes the “big” belief. Formulate the new belief.
5. Check how your behavior changes in situations related to this belief.
6. Ecology check.
7. Link the new belief to future situations.

Testing the Refined Technique

Now, the revised version of the technique should be tested on a couple more beliefs, preferably of a different type. For example, imagine I have these beliefs:

• “I can’t lose weight because I have no willpower.”
• “You can’t find a good job without connections.”

I apply the latest version of the technique to these beliefs. Yes, the beliefs change, and there are no major issues so far. Next, it would be good to test the technique with real problems (for myself and others).

Strategy for Creating a Technique from a Language Pattern

1. Choose a language pattern.
2. Identify its working principle (strategy).
3. Imagine what should happen in a person’s subjective world when this language pattern works successfully.
4. Write out, step by step, a technique that explicitly guides a person to make these changes.
5. Imagine you have a limiting belief and apply the technique to it.
6. Refine the technique based on your experience.
7. Change 2-3 more (imaginary) beliefs. See how the revised technique works. If there are issues, go back to the previous step.
8. Apply the technique to your own and others’ real beliefs, preferably as an experiment. If there are issues, return to step 6.
9. Start using the technique in everyday life.