Conversational NLP: How to Identify and Manage Metamessages

Everyone has probably witnessed a public speech by an outstanding orator at least once. But what makes their words instantly resonate with the audience? How do they manage to present information so effortlessly? Why does their speech sound so pleasant and immediately capture attention? Let’s explore how people who have mastered the art of public speaking season their monologues with “verbal spices,” giving them a unique “flavor.”

You’ve likely already guessed that these “spices” are emotional coloring… and something else that makes words “tasty” for listeners. But let’s take it step by step, starting with the “dishware.” This is a fitting metaphor for metamessages—elements that carry any emotion and/or additional meaning, which the speaker conveys to the audience along with the main message.

How to Notice Metamessages in Speech

Metamessages are not the direct meaning of a phrase, but its second, underlying level. Phrases containing metamessages have a double meaning. This is a kind of metacommunication that happens subconsciously and nonverbally.

You can analyze anyone’s speech by asking yourself: “What does this person think about what they’re saying?” The answer is often visible on their face. That’s because, when people try to answer this question, they focus not on the meaning of the words, but on the emotions and nonverbal cues of the speaker. The feelings and emotions displayed on the speaker’s face are dynamic and highly informative.

If you allow these emotions to come together into a complete picture, you can easily determine a person’s mood, the emotional message they’re sending, how sincere they are, and more. Even from a photograph, you can often tell what the person’s emotional state was at the moment it was taken.

When listening to a speech for an extended period (5–20 minutes), you may notice that certain words are accompanied by background metamessages. For example, a speaker’s monologue may not only be colored by emotions but also filled with statements, questions, and calls to action that contain nonverbal messages for the audience.

Practice identifying metamessages in speech by paying close attention. Turn on any program featuring a speaker’s introduction. It doesn’t matter if it’s a politician, comedian, or professor giving a lecture. (A movie won’t work, since actors are playing scripted roles.) After analyzing what you see and hear, you’ll realize how easy it is to notice nonverbal messages in monologues. You don’t even need to understand the language the speaker is using.

How to Manage Metamessages

Managing the messages embedded in your speech involves three main steps. You can practice and hone these skills every day during your regular activities.

Step 1

To avoid distorting the metamessages you notice, you need to set aside your own biases about the speaker. Completely detach from their personal characteristics. For easier practice, start by listening to people you don’t know and can’t categorize. It’s even easier if you analyze speeches in a language you don’t understand. As you listen to the intonation, ask yourself: “What does this person think about what they’re saying?”

Once this exercise becomes easy and automatic, you can start analyzing the speeches of people you know, identifying their nonverbal messages. These could be your colleagues, bosses, relatives, or friends. You’ll discover so much truth! You’ll see much more than before and be able to accurately determine how sincere someone is, what they’re trying to hide, and what they’re afraid of.

Step 2

Expand your range of filters. Instead of just asking, “What does the speaker think about what they’re saying?”, ask yourself additional questions:

• “What do their emotions reveal, and how could I put them into words?”
• “What does the speaker think about themselves?”
• “How do they feel about their audience?”

These questions will lead to many discoveries. The only thing to watch out for is your own arrogance—don’t judge people from a position of superiority. This can prevent you from getting objective information. Sometimes, you may notice things about people that they themselves don’t realize. There’s no need to tell them; they may not want to hear what lies deep within. However, if you find yourself genuinely admiring someone’s skillful use of metamessages, you can compliment them after their speech. They’ll appreciate it and feel both satisfaction and joy. Learn from top speakers, try to replicate their techniques in practice, and you’ll find it helpful in solving complex issues and in everyday life.

Step 3

This step allows for a real breakthrough. However, only those who have mastered the previous two steps will succeed. Pay attention to your own nonverbal cues during presentations, speeches, and everyday conversations. If you’ve prepared a speech in advance, think about where to place metamessages. This will help you convey additional meaning and strengthen the impact of your words on the audience.

To make this step easier, use this simple checklist:

1. Clearly define what you want to communicate to your audience. First, write down your metamessages on paper or at least say them out loud.
2. Rehearse your monologue at a faster pace, focusing on expressing nonverbal messages as much as possible.
3. Review and analyze your speech as an expert listener (from an outside perspective).
4. Refine your nonverbal cues if necessary.

Mastering metamessages and skillfully incorporating them into your monologues isn’t just about adding emotions and words to your speech—it’s about fully inhabiting a prepared role. You need to live it with your heart and soul, and then your messages will reach their target and have the desired effect on your listeners.