4 Exercises to Help You Handle Verbal Aggression

Do people around you often make sarcastic remarks, tactless comments, or rude jokes at your expense, leaving you at a loss for a good comeback? Quick-wittedness can be trained. If you only think of a clever, sharp response to rude attacks after the fact, don’t worry—next time, you’ll be ready to defend yourself. Here are four exercises to help you prepare.

Exercise 1: Deflecting “Killer” Phrases

Since these phrases are clichés that can’t really be argued with, there’s no point in taking them seriously. Otherwise, you risk ending up in a situation where you lack evidence or are forced into a defensive position, which puts you at a disadvantage.

Example:
“We’ve always done it this way!”

Possible responses:

• “And has it ever worked out?”
• “Oh, you must be a real enthusiast.”
• “Exactly, so now let’s try doing it differently for once—otherwise it gets boring.”
• “Are you afraid of success, or am I wrong?”
• “When I look at you, I see innovation, creative potential, and an unwavering drive for change—you’ll need that.”

Here are some more phrases you might encounter and can practice responding to:

• “That’s not practical.”
• “You’d have to change people first.”
• “You’re too young.”
• “I know this business very well. You can’t do anything with established structures.”
• “But you can’t judge that.”
• “We’ve tried that before. It didn’t work.”

Exercise 2: The Judo Method

The goal isn’t to knock the other person down, but to use their own force against them. In other words, accept accusations, false statements, and insults without argument—no “ifs” or “buts.” Forget about justifying yourself; simply agree with the criticism, but do so with exaggeration and a sense of humor.

Examples:

• “Have you gained weight?” — “Absolutely! I had to order a family-sized tent instead of a winter coat. Looks fabulous.”
• “I think you drink too much!” — “I know! The winemakers’ union says my orders make up 50% of their sales. I’m now their poster child—thanks to my red nose.”

Exercise 3: The Columbo Method

This method is named after the famous TV detective, Columbo. You might remember how, when solving cases, he always seemed a bit clueless. In conversations with suspects, he would admire their supposed abilities and superiority. In other words, the Columbo method suggests responding to verbal attacks with admiration—ironically, of course.

Example:
Boss to employee: “If you can’t come up with better solutions, what are you even doing at this company? You’re just a loser.”
Response: “I have so much to learn from you! The way you get straight to the point and cut through the nonsense makes you the perfect leader. I’m really, really glad that after such a long search, I finally found a role model.”

Your turn:
Now, try coming up with Columbo-style responses to the insults and accusations from the Judo method examples. It’s normal to feel like you couldn’t actually say these things to someone. Still, don’t dismiss your ideas. Maybe they’re not quite right for now, but who knows when the perfect opportunity for a witty comeback will arise. A good ad-lib is a prepared ad-lib.

Exercise 4: The Gaga Method

This is about giving any response, regardless of whether it makes sense. Just say the first thing that comes to mind.

Example:
Someone grumbles at you on the bus: “Move over, I can’t get through.” You could reply:

• “The early bird gets the worm.”
• “I wanted to be an astronaut as a kid.”
• “Congratulations, it’s a boy!”
• “Never part with your loved ones!”

Your turn:
Gaga-style responses seem easy, and in fact, they’re not hard to come up with in the moment, since they don’t have to relate to what was said. They come from the depths of your subconscious.

Give it a try! Recall your favorite sayings, proverbs, stock phrases, and jokes. You can practice with friends—it’s actually a fun way to spend an evening together.