Tough Negotiations: How to Counter Tactics, Scenarios, and Pressure

Some of the most challenging negotiations happen during conflicts with family and friends, but any dispute can be resolved with negotiation skills—and, of course, these methods work just as well in business. Here are key takeaways from a course on tough negotiations created for the All-Russian Career Guidance and Training Program “Lift to the Future” by the Sistema Charitable Foundation. We recommend saving this cheat sheet and reviewing it before any difficult negotiation—or any negotiation at all, since you never know how things will unfold.

Types of Negotiations

At the start of any negotiation, determine what kind of negotiation you’re in: business communication, business negotiations, tough negotiations, or even a “war.” This article focuses on so-called tough negotiations.

What Are Tough Negotiations and Why Do They Happen?

Tough negotiations are characterized by:

• Ultimatums (e.g., “If you don’t give us a discount, we won’t work with you”)
• A desire to establish one-sided control over the situation
• Unwillingness to make concessions
• Active use of psychological pressure, tricks, and manipulations that often distract from a lack of logic

Once you realize you’re facing tough negotiations, try to identify your opponent’s strategy and choose your own. Start by asking yourself:

“Why is this style of communication being used against me?”

There are two possible reasons: external (not related to you personally) and internal (directly related to you).

External Reasons

These are not force majeure events like earthquakes, but rather a deliberate tactic by your opponent, who plans to use manipulation and pressure. For many, this style is second nature—they believe the only way to get results is to “squeeze” others. Sometimes, it’s professional deformation: for example, someone who worked in the military may be used to giving tough orders. Or, the subject of the negotiation is more important to them than the relationship. Other reasons might include unequal company sizes or time constraints.

Internal Reasons

Here, the issue is definitely with you. Most often, it’s a conflict of expectations—maybe you’ve worked with the client before but didn’t meet their expectations. It could also be due to inaccurate information: if you distort facts or even lie, don’t be surprised if your partner switches to a tough approach. Provocative or overly emotional behavior, unjustified claims to a certain role, use of jargon or slang that doesn’t fit the other person’s worldview, or unjustified manipulations on your part can also “spark” a tough scenario. For example, if a man and a woman are negotiating, each should consider what behavior the other expects—getting to know your opponent in advance helps. Some people need compliments, while others get angry at them, which can derail the negotiation.

Signs That the Situation Is Breaking Down

An experienced negotiator knows the other side’s vulnerabilities and can use them to get the desired result. Vulnerable topics for anyone include: life and safety, health, intelligence, appearance, status, material resources, vanity, hobbies and interests, family, social and religious beliefs, and moral qualities. All of these can be used to influence the other side.

A “breakdown” is a loss of control over one’s emotions, which can happen if the stakes are too high for one side. How can you tell if your opponent is psychologically broken?

• Uncontrolled pause: As Somerset Maugham said, “The greater the artist, the longer the pause.” If you pause intentionally, you gain an advantage; if not, you’re giving in.
• Physical reactions: Shaking hands, voice, or lips; changes in skin color (blushing or turning pale); tears.
• Change in behavior dynamics: Sudden speeding up or slowing down of movements.
• Excuses and clichés: If your opponent starts making excuses or using banalities.
• Longer response time: If the time to think over a response increases naturally (not demonstratively), the other side likely sees this as a result of their pressure.

How to Counter Pressure and Manipulation

The following psychological techniques can help you resist pressure:

• “Moscow is behind us, there’s nowhere to retreat”: Imagine something big and important that you’re protecting. For example, in charity negotiations, remember you’re asking not for yourself, but for thousands of sick children or people with disabilities.
• Emotion diary: Identify in advance what triggers negative emotions for you. For example, “This situation pressures me and I get lost.” Your emotion is confusion, and the trigger is “I don’t have all the information.” To avoid this, prepare thoroughly for negotiations.
• Identify your own breaking points: For example, if you crave feedback and praise, you may fall for manipulation. Being aware of this helps you control the process.
• Set the rules of the game: Whoever sets the rules in negotiations usually wins. For example: “Colleagues, let’s keep this constructive, or we’ll have to pause the negotiations.”
• Mental defense: Sometimes it’s important to remind yourself, “This is just a game—they’re attacking my role, not me personally.”
• Emotion scaling: Imagine your emotions on a scale from 1 to 10: “I want to be angry at a 2, no, now it’s a 5.” According to NLP theory, this helps you process and manage any emotion.

There are also external methods to counter pressure. Assess your resources, strengths, and options, and based on that, choose a tough (counterattack), soft (using certain communication techniques), or limited response—pause the interaction until the next negotiation stage. You can use:

• Agreeing with your opponent’s opinion to add your own counterargument
• Compliments—amplify something your opponent demonstrates
• Verbal assessment of the situation (describe the negotiation moment)
• Sharing responsibility (“If you keep pressuring me, negotiations will stall…”)
• “Third gate” (shifting responsibility to others not present)
• Demonstrative calmness
• Distorted interpretation in response
• Taking the initiative by abruptly changing the subject
• Using metaphors—presenting the problem as an image

Dealing with Manipulation

Manipulation is hidden influence to achieve hidden goals. The main principle of manipulators is to make you want to do what they need. Stephen Karpman, an American psychotherapist, said that people are always in one of three roles: persecutor, rescuer, or victim—this is the so-called “Karpman triangle.” The manipulator figures out your favorite role and targets you accordingly. For example, if you like being the “rescuer,” your opponent may appeal to your sense of nobility to get what they want.

You’ll know you’re being manipulated if you feel an emotional imbalance or inner conflict—like feeling proud and offended, or happy and suspicious at the same time. Or if your emotions seem strange or out of place for the situation.

There are two types of manipulation: emotional and pragmatic. Emotional manipulation aims to get your emotions, whether positive or negative. Pragmatic manipulation targets your actions, not your feelings. Typical manipulative phrases include: “Successful companies always accommodate their clients,” “Admit it, you’re trying to lead me to a certain point of view,” or “It’s strange that, working at such a company, you still don’t drive a Porsche.” Notice that these phrases lack clear logic or cause-and-effect relationships.

General Rules for Tough Negotiations

• Define the result you want to achieve in your opponent’s behavior and actions
• Decide which of your opponent’s weak spots you’ll target
• Plan your tactical moves
• List your opponent’s vulnerabilities
• Prepare a backup plan in case your first approach fails