Facing the Truth: Effective Questions to Ask Yourself

Based on ideas from Janet Conner’s “Writing Down Your Soul: How to Activate and Listen to the Extraordinary Voice Within”

Are You Ready to Face the Truth?

Janet Conner, in her book Writing Down Your Soul, describes four types of unhelpful questions people often ask themselves or the universe in their journaling practice. She notes that “closed questions” (those that can be answered with a simple “yes” or “no”) are most effective when directed at yourself, such as: “Am I ready to face the truth?” or “Do I really want to become a more empathetic, compassionate person?”

Any answer you give yourself to these questions is an invitation to dig deeper. When these closed questions are directed outward, to the universe or others, they are much less effective for understanding your life and destiny.

Why “Why” Isn’t Always Helpful

People often ask “why” something happened to them, seeking reasons for events or feelings. While common, this isn’t the most constructive question for self-discovery. There’s no guarantee you’ll find the reason, or that it will be the “right” one, or that knowing it will help you change your life. Often, the “reasons” for our choices and states are rooted in other people’s past actions, which we can’t influence from the present.

In many therapeutic traditions, “why” questions are considered less helpful, partly because they can trigger childhood memories of being asked, “Why did you do that?!”—leading to defensiveness. However, reframing the question as “why is it important” shifts the focus to values and meaning: “Why was it important for you to act that way in that situation?” In this form, the question becomes much more constructive.

Other Unhelpful Questions

Another type of unhelpful question is about timing: “When will what I want happen in my life, or when will something unwanted stop happening?” A more constructive version is: “How do I need to change, or what do I need to start doing differently, so that what I want can happen, or what I don’t want can stop?”

The last unhelpful type, according to Conner, is questions about other people. When journaling, especially as a spiritual practice, it’s most effective to focus on yourself—your experiences, their meanings, and your own growth. Trying to influence someone else’s behavior through your writing is rarely effective. Other people’s behavior may change only after your own behavior changes, as a result of deeper self-understanding.

Constructive Questions for Self-Reflection

Conner began collecting effective, “working” questions for written self-exploration, and her collection now includes over 200 such questions. They fall into five main categories:

1. Questions to Support Awareness

• Where do I feel stuck in my progress? What’s holding me back?
• What do I need to address first right now? What decisions need to be made?
• What conditions do I need to make the right decision?
• How do I feel about what’s happening?
• What am I avoiding, hoping it will just disappear from my life?
• What do I need to be more at peace with myself?
• Which “parts of me” want to be heard right now?
• At what moments during the day do I feel happiest?
• What drains my energy? Where is my energy leaking?
• What do I most need to learn right now?
• What changes are coming in my life? How do I recognize them?
• What “product” do my worries and anxieties create? How do they affect different areas of my life?

2. Questions to Deepen Understanding and Meaning

• What decisions brought me to where I am now? What alternatives did I turn down?
• What do I do to distract myself from what’s important?
• What strengths and abilities do I need to be more honest with myself and others?
• What beliefs underpinned this decision or action?
• How do my thoughts, words, and actions undermine my own efforts or sabotage my pursuit of my dreams and values?
• What has stopped me from doing what truly matters to me?
• What “pushes my buttons” and triggers automatic behavior patterns I’d like to change?
• What tone and words do I use when I talk to myself?
• What do I feel “forced” to do in daily life or at work? How does this differ from what I truly want to do?

3. Questions for Deep Self-Understanding

• What parts of myself do I not want to accept? What would change if I did?
• What am I hiding from, like an ostrich with its head in the sand? What experiences am I avoiding? How much of my life do I spend “hiding”?
• What do I do on “autopilot,” repeating patterns I don’t really like? How does this affect those around me?
• Do I have a habitual “mask”—a rigid way of presenting myself? Or more than one?
• What do I fear most deep down?
• What is my calling? What am I doing when I feel most like my true, best self?
• When do I feel a sense of inner wholeness?
• Does my self-presentation and environment reflect my inner world? How, and to what extent?
• What can I do to bring more love into my life?
• How can I reclaim my power? What will it cost?
• What is my heart’s deepest desire? How did it arise?
• What question am I most afraid to know the answer to right now?

4. Questions to Envision and Nurture Your Preferred Future

• What stops me from dreaming?
• How do I recognize unfamiliar, maybe even grand, but still real opportunities?
• What would my life look and feel like from the inside if my dreams came true?
• What would I do if nothing held me back?
• What legacy would I like to leave in the world?
• What can I do to bring the best of my inner world into reality?
• Do I believe I can change my life or the world? How do I know?
• What do I need to do, and how, to manifest what I strive for?

5. Questions to Support Creating Your Preferred Future

• What is most important right now? What do I need to be asking?
• Where should I start moving toward my preferred future?
• What can support me as I move in my chosen direction?
• What is the smallest change I can make right now?
• What do I need to let go of to live the way I want?
• How can I feel calmer despite the uncertainty of the future?
• What is the gap between how things are now and what I want? How can I bridge that gap?
• What needs to be done today?