The Winner’s Gaze: Practice

How can you develop the strength of your gaze? Many people ask questions like, “How can I stop looking away when making eye contact with someone?”, “How can I learn to ‘win’ with my eyes?”, or “How can I make my gaze steady and stop my eyes from darting around during conversations?” There are no magical tricks here that will let you defeat enemies or seduce women with a glance. Instead, you’ll find practical exercises to help you strengthen your gaze.

Your gaze is part of your meta-message. Eye contact is one of the first stages of communication. Sometimes, a person’s gaze says more than their words. You can often tell by someone’s eyes whether they’ve given up or are ready to keep fighting. Just like posture, walk, and voice, your gaze reflects your confidence, mood, intentions, and desires.

A strong, confident person naturally develops a powerful gaze as their personality forms. But the reverse is also true—by working on your voice, posture, gaze, physical condition, and education, you shape yourself and your personality.

Below are some exercises described by John William Atkinson, an American psychologist specializing in motivation and achievement psychology.

Exercises to Develop a Powerful Gaze

1. Staring at a Spot:Take a sheet of white A4 paper and draw a circle about the size of a quarter. Fill in the circle with ink so it stands out sharply against the white background. Attach the paper to a wall at eye level while sitting. Place a chair in the middle of the room and sit facing the paper.

   Stare intently at the black spot without blinking for one minute. Rest your eyes, then repeat the exercise about five times.

   Next, move the paper one meter to the right. Sit down and look straight ahead, then, without turning your head, shift your gaze to the right and stare at the spot for one minute. Repeat four times.

   Then move the paper one meter to the left and repeat the process five times. Continue this exercise for three days, then increase the staring time to two minutes. After another three days, increase to three minutes, and so on, adding one minute every three days. If you can hold your gaze for fifteen minutes, you’ll be able to direct a strong gaze, just like someone who can do it for thirty minutes.

   This exercise is extremely important. If you follow it precisely, you’ll be able to look anyone in the eye with confidence and firmness. It gives your eyes a strong, convincing expression and allows you to hold a steady gaze that few can withstand. Even dogs and other animals will react to your gaze. The exercises may seem boring, but the results are worth the effort. Your eyes may even appear larger, as the distance between your eyelids increases.

2. Mirror Practice:To add variety and get used to looking others in the eye without embarrassment, stand in front of a mirror and stare into your own eyes as described in the first exercise. Gradually increase the time. This will help you withstand others’ gazes and give your eyes a more expressive look, which can be useful in many situations.

   You’ll notice your eyes developing a magnetic quality. Try to do this exercise regularly. Some experts prefer this exercise over the first, but combining both gives the best results.

3. Head Rotation:Stand about three feet (one meter) from a wall. Attach a sheet of white paper at eye level. Without taking your eyes off the spot, start rotating your head in a circle. This forces your eyes to move while maintaining focus on one point, strengthening the eye muscles and nerves. Change the direction of head rotation and start slowly to avoid eye fatigue.
4. Quick Eye Movements:Stand with your back to a wall, looking straight at the opposite wall. Rapidly move your eyes from one point to another—right, left, up, down, in zigzags, circles, etc. Stop immediately if your eyes get tired. Before finishing, rest your gaze on a single point to relax your eyes. This exercise strengthens the nerves and muscles of the eyes.
5. Testing Your Gaze on Others:Once you’ve developed a steady gaze, build confidence by practicing on a friend. Ask them to sit across from you and look into your eyes as you look into theirs. You’ll notice it’s easy to tire them out, and they may even feel almost hypnotized.

   Try this with a dog, cat, or other animal if you can get them to stay still. Most will turn away or leave to avoid your intense gaze.

   There’s a difference between a calm, steady gaze and a brazen, shameless stare. The first shows strong mental power, while the latter is more typical of a scoundrel.

   At first, your firm gaze may make others uncomfortable or nervous. Soon, you’ll get used to your new power and use it carefully, making a strong impression without causing discomfort.

Additional Tips and Warnings

• Avoid talking about your eye exercises, as this may make people suspicious and could hinder your progress. Keep your new abilities to yourself for best results.
• Set aside regular time for practice and don’t rush. Develop your power gradually and steadily.
• Avoid blinking, squinting, or unnaturally widening your eyelids. You can overcome these habits with willpower and self-observation.
• If your eyes get tired, rinse them with cold water for relief. After a few days of practice, you’ll notice your eyes tire less easily.

These exercises can help you make your gaze more confident and “strong,” and allow you to better control the “intonations” of your eyes. Of course, don’t expect that a powerful gaze alone will solve all your problems—from street bullies to tough business negotiations. But in some situations, a firm gaze, combined with the right words, can make a real difference.

Personal development is most effective when it’s harmonious and well-rounded.