The Karpman Drama Triangle: Why We Get Stuck in Manipulative Roles

Intrigue, scandals, investigations—so much of human life is governed by a triangle. That is, until you decide, by sheer willpower, to break the cycle. Let’s skip the boring definitions. You probably already know that the Karpman Drama Triangle is a manipulative model of interaction.

A true expert in the Karpman Triangle is the main character of the TV series “Lucifer.” Well, he is Lucifer, after all—temptation and intrigue are his specialty. But honestly, we’re not that far off ourselves, dear readers.

The triangle is a social model of our communication. It features three psychological roles that each of us has played more than once.

• Ever felt sorry for yourself, complained, sought comfort, or whined? That’s the classic role of the Victim.
• The person you complained to almost always becomes the Rescuer.
• The one you complained about is, of course, the Persecutor.

This little pyramid can quickly collapse and reform into a new arrangement. Your rescuer might start shaming and calling out the persecutor, becoming the persecutor themselves. An attentive observer, witnessing all these twists, could write a script for a new TV show. The script turns out so good that a major network makes a series out of it—and soon, “Lucifer” hits the screens.

In the paragraph above, you’ll find answers to the questions: “Is the Karpman Triangle always bad?” and “How do you get out of it?” To break free, you need to become an observer. Then, you can use the triangle to your advantage, just like the attentive scriptwriter.

How Do We Get Caught in the Karpman Triangle?

The Persecutor won’t leave the victim alone. They want to control everything, set the rules, criticize… Do you think the persecutor is psychologically healthy? Are they living their own life, or just acting out their issues through aggression and interference? The answer is obvious, isn’t it?

The Victim suffers, complains, and refuses to take responsibility for their own life. Not a great story (unless it’s for a heart-wrenching TV drama). Again, not a sign of psychological health.

Maybe the third role is the winner here? The Rescuer gives advice, offers sympathy, and may carry the victim’s burdens for years. Sounds noble, right? Not really. This role can be a way to act out narcissistic tendencies or serve a hidden motive that benefits the rescuer.

The third role is perhaps the most interesting, as the motives can be the least obvious. Someone, using the victim’s trust, may try to twist the situation to their own advantage. This is the basis for recruitment tactics, or even cults.

Usually, everyone in this chain is satisfied. Each person sees the source of the problem in someone else, so they can shift responsibility. Or, they’re satisfying their own unspoken, unresolved issues. None of the triangle’s participants want to admit that, in the long run, this dynamic only harms them.

All three roles are a tangled mess of complexes, unresolved problems, and a reluctance to grow and solve issues as a mature, independent person.

How to Recognize Your Role in the Triangle

You’re probably a Victim if:

• You don’t take responsibility for your life and actions.
• You’re convinced you can’t live independently and always need help—a rescuer. This often attracts persecutors into your life.
• You seek comfort in addictions—alcohol, drugs, overeating, etc.

You’re probably a Persecutor if:

• You crave power over others. You often act dominant, attack others, and believe they deserve it.
• You almost always feel you’re right in any situation. This role is often taken by people who have experienced psychological, emotional, or physical abuse and later project it onto their own victims.

You’re probably a Rescuer if:

• You have low self-esteem and boost your self-worth through “noble” deeds.
• You play this complex role under the mask of “goodness” to avoid facing your own issues.
• You end up in codependent relationships, finding it hard to refuse help because you’re used to always saving someone.
• You try to rescue others even when no one asked you to.

How to Break Free from the Triangle’s Power

First, you need to figure out where you are in the triangle so you can change your position. Here’s where the real fun begins, friends—because self-analysis must be HONEST! And that’s not always pleasant. But transformation requires objectivity.

STOP Being the Victim

Stop the flow of complaints—life is invisible behind them! Take responsibility for your actions. No one is to blame for your “misfortunes”; people are busy with their own lives, not yours. Remember forever: no one owes you anything—not even heroes on white horses. And you don’t owe anyone either, so stop making excuses for everything. Living your own life is actually very enjoyable, you’ll see.

STOP Being the Persecutor

It’s time to look at your own backyard and tidy up, instead of poking your nose into someone else’s. Everything that happens to you is a reflection of your inner world, thoughts, and actions. No one is required to live up to your ideas of what’s right or wrong. You’ll have to accept that everyone’s brain is wired differently, and so is their worldview. Basic knowledge of NLP Practice can help you understand this.