Scheme of Attitudes Toward the World and Oneself
How your attitude toward yourself and the world shapes your perception of reality.
Point 1: The World is “OK” (I have a positive attitude), I am “Not OK” (I have a negative attitude toward myself)
People in this state (or with these core beliefs) typically have low self-esteem, lack confidence in their abilities, and have low aspirations—they don’t really strive for much. They are highly suggestible, seeing others as much more knowledgeable and authoritative than themselves. Their resources are mostly drawn from outside, and it’s not always easy for them to access these, so their needs are kept to a minimum. Their boundaries are open for importing resources but closed for exporting them. This is easy to explain: with low self-esteem, they believe they have nothing to offer others. They also tend to avoid people and stay closed off, not wanting anyone to notice their imperfections. The saying “Don’t air your dirty laundry in public” fits them well—they assume their “house” is full of dirt, and everyone would be horrified to see their “true face.”
Point 2: The World is “OK,” I am sometimes OK, sometimes not OK
This person’s self-esteem is unstable, so they constantly seek approval, recognition, support, and love from others. They are willing to do a lot to be liked, so unlike the first type, they are quite demonstrative and want to always be in the spotlight, striving to be “understood correctly” and popular. They have internal resources, but don’t always have access to them—when they fail to get the approval they crave, their self-esteem drops, they give up, and may fall into depression for a while. Their boundaries are wide open for praise (for which they are willing to pay a high price). They cling tightly to those who like them to keep receiving support. As a result, they export the traits and behaviors that others expect from them. A typical example of this state is adolescence, when self-esteem is highly dependent on one’s status in a significant peer group.
Point 3: The World is OK, I am OK
This is the ideal state that all psychotherapists strive to help their clients reach, regardless of their approach. The person is able to make independent, confident decisions, trusts their own competence, and feels sufficiently independent from social pressure. The term “self-sufficiency” applies here—they have all the necessary resources within and know when and how to use them. At the same time, they are confident they can always get the resources they need from outside and are behaviorally flexible enough to do so. Their boundaries are open for both import and export, but they are also able to say “no” if too much is being asked of them. Entering the world, they feel safe—they don’t expect betrayal from others and are confident in their abilities.
Point 4: I am not OK, and the world is ambivalent (sometimes black, sometimes white)
This type of person has many relationship problems. With their black-and-white worldview, they live by rigid stereotypes and are easily disappointed or offended. People around them are either divided into “good” and “bad,” or their opinions about others constantly shift (“There’s a thin line between love and hate”). There is a strong internal conflict between expecting trouble and hoping for the best. Their boundaries are tightly closed to “black” objects and almost nonexistent for “white” ones.
Point 5: “Anything can happen to me and the world”
This is one of the most interesting points. It seems that such a person has almost no fixed worldview—it is constantly being updated. They don’t just live for today, but for the present moment. Their main characteristics are flexibility, adaptability, and a lack of clear goals. The Chinese might call this state “Yin,” Buddhists might call it “Nirvana,” and doctors might say it’s close to a comatose state. With few strong desires, their need for resources is minimal. Their boundaries are mostly closed (especially to strict demands, criticism, and expectations).
Point 6: “No matter what happens with the world, I’m fine”
Good examples of this mindset are people deeply in love, professional athletes, scientists, etc. These are people immersed in their own, sometimes very narrow, world, around which all their current interests and needs revolve. The rest of the world matters very little to them at the moment. Their self-esteem is high, and they feel they have enough internal resources. Relationships with others are often kept at a distance (“I don’t ask anything from you, and you don’t ask anything from me”). They have enough resources to survive, but are reluctant to share them.
Point 7: I am not OK and the World is not OK
This is the most unfavorable of all possible states, especially if it is deep and persistent. It can be called a state of deep depression. Relationships with others are conflictual (either blaming others or trying to prove that they have it even worse than you). Boundaries are closed for both import and export. Most internal resources are spent on self-defense. Typical traits include skepticism, aggression, tension, and pessimism. There is a constant belief that everyone around is an enemy. Their worldview is black and gray.
Point 8: “I may be OK or not OK, but nothing good can be expected from the world”
This is also a rather sad state. Boundaries remain closed, even when help is needed. The person tries to be self-sufficient and not owe anyone—help from outside seems too costly. Naturally, you can’t expect any “useful resources” from them either.
Point 9: I am OK, the World is not OK
This is the lone hero standing on top of a mountain. A weary achiever who has spent most of their life moving toward big goals “knee-deep in acid”—that is, despite numerous difficulties. They often challenge themselves with “Are you brave enough?” They are disappointed in people, lonely (since they see no equals and their arrogance and perfection scare others away), and rely only on themselves. They have plenty of resources and high self-esteem, but their boundaries are open only for export (mentoring, charity, showing off).