Managing Emotions with Dissociation
Emotional experiences are typically associated, meaning a person and their feelings are inseparable in the moment. The purpose of this exercise is to look at your emotion from the outside—to dissociate from it. What does this achieve? First, it allows you to notice and observe what is happening. Second, this separation can significantly reduce the intensity of the emotional experience. Third, it helps you start taking action.
For example, recording a family conflict on video, especially when emotions are running high, can help spouses understand who did what and how each person reacted in the situation. Some people are surprised: “Is that really my face?” This creates extra motivation to work on negative emotions.
Step-by-Step Dissociation Exercise
- While experiencing strong emotions, look in the mirror. If there’s no mirror available, imagine yourself from the outside—picture how you look. The goal is simply to notice what’s happening to your face: wrinkles, redness, tears, and so on.
- Separate yourself from your emotion. What you’re feeling is not your entire being. For example, anger is just one of many states a person can experience. Imagine your emotion “living” separately from you, and observe it. Don’t do anything—just watch and let it “exist” on its own.
- Try to mentally “move” the emotion a little farther away from you. Usually, as you increase the distance, the intensity of the feeling decreases. Slowly move your emotion away until it becomes barely noticeable. You can even imagine it in black and white. Pay attention to your state—if the intensity of the emotion decreases, that’s good. You don’t have to bring it back; let it “live” at a distance. If you need it for some reason, mentally bring it closer. Leave it at the distance where you feel comfortable.
Practicing dissociation from your negative emotions can be helpful if you repeat it regularly.