NLP and Self-Love
It may seem that everyone is an egoist and, deep down, does everything for themselves—wanting to be liked, to feel happy and satisfied, to be loved. So why is it so hard for us to love and accept ourselves, to forgive our own mistakes and shortcomings?
Psychologists have found that our relationships with others reflect our relationship with ourselves. Until you love and accept yourself, you can’t truly understand or learn how to love others properly.
For example, hidden aggression is often a reflection of dissatisfaction with yourself and what you have, or a desire to control things. It can be a result of not trusting yourself and your emotional reactions. Holding grudges often means you don’t want to recognize your own responsibility.
People put a lot of effort into trying to love themselves: going to the gym, following strict diets, striving to earn more money or gain power, and even turning to plastic surgery. But these are all external efforts, and they don’t bring true satisfaction. The real work needs to happen inside.
What Happens When You Don’t Love Yourself?
What happens when you don’t love or accept yourself and are constantly your own inner critic? Imagine that, like in the animated movie “Inside Out,” your emotional reactions are sitting inside you, and for every little thing, your inner anger starts scolding you: “Why are you so useless?” “You can’t do anything right,” and so on. This kind of reaction is just as stressful as if it were coming from a close person who is always dissatisfied with you.
If your relationships with others aren’t working out, if you’re always criticizing yourself and dissatisfied with those around you, it’s time to look at yourself differently and take steps toward self-love and acceptance.
NLP Technique: “See Yourself Through Loving Eyes”
NLP offers a simple but very useful technique for those who realize it’s time to love themselves. The technique is called “See Yourself Through Loving Eyes.”
- Imagine you are a writer.
- Think of someone in your life whose love for you is unquestionable. This could be someone from your present, your past, or even an imagined person. Describe them in detail. What are they like? What makes them unique and special to you?
- Now, put yourself in their shoes and look at yourself through the eyes of this loving person. Anchor this new perspective.
- Remember, you are a writer. Write a story about yourself, seeing yourself through the eyes of someone who loves you. What makes you wonderful? What makes you one of a kind? Describe your strengths and great qualities.
- Now return to your own body, bringing with you these feelings and emotions of being loved.
This technique helps you shift your perspective, distance yourself from your inner critic, and see your strengths from the outside. Most importantly, it lets you feel acceptance and love for yourself.
If you practice this exercise regularly, you’ll gradually notice changes in your environment, your relationships with others, and your mood.