Manipulators: Learn to Play Their Own Game

Have you ever found yourself in situations where colleagues dump their work on you, and you feel uncomfortable saying no? Do you sometimes do things against your will? Or maybe you constantly go along with others, unable to refuse or say “no”? If any of these scenarios sound familiar, you’ve likely been a victim of psychological manipulation. Let’s learn how to stand up to it!

Manipulation is a form of covert psychological influence—controlling another person with the goal of gaining a one-sided benefit and making them act against their own will.

Main Points About Manipulation

Let’s break down the key points:

1. Manipulation is control or influence. The manipulator uses certain techniques or tricks to control others for their own benefit. Their toolkit is vast, and we’ll discuss some methods shortly.
2. Manipulation is covert. The victim usually doesn’t realize what’s happening, at least at first. Manipulation only works when it’s hidden—once it’s exposed, it loses its power.
3. Manipulation is one-sided. The manipulator wins, while the victim loses.

Manipulation can be found everywhere: at work, in romantic relationships, between parents and children, in business communication, and more.

What Drives Manipulators?

There are two main reasons:

1. Inability to ask directly. For some, asking for something openly feels humiliating, so they use tricks to get others to do what they want.
2. Desire to put in minimal effort and get everything at others’ expense. If someone was never taught independence as a child, they may grow up expecting others to do everything for them.

How to Recognize Manipulation

There are two aspects: internal and external.

Internal Signs

• You feel psychological pressure.
• You’re reluctant to do something that seems reasonable at first glance.
• You feel “out of place.”

External Signs (Manipulator’s Behavior)

• Psychological pressure
• Appealing to your feelings of guilt or pity
• Persuasion
• Threats
• Blackmail

Common Victim Responses

Most people respond to manipulators in one of two ways: passively or aggressively.

• Passive: The victim goes along with the manipulator, offering no resistance.
• Aggressive: The victim confronts the manipulator, which often leads to conflict and wasted time and energy.

However, there’s a third, more constructive approach: assertive behavior. This allows you to handle difficult situations calmly and without “sacrifices.” Becoming assertive and learning to resist manipulators takes practice—at least 2–3 months of regular effort. But after that, people will stop trying to manipulate you altogether.

Practical Techniques to Resist Manipulators

1. The Broken Record Method

This method works when someone tries to push a product or service on you. Listen calmly and don’t react emotionally. When they finish, politely but firmly say you’re not interested. Don’t justify or explain yourself. Throughout the conversation, simply repeat the same phrase: “Thank you, I don’t need this.” Stay calm and consistent. The goal isn’t just to repeat yourself, but to develop persistence.

2. Zero Emotion

Your task is to remain silent throughout the conversation. No matter what the manipulator says or asks, don’t respond or show any emotion. Just observe with a neutral expression—no gestures, no facial reactions. You can look at the person occasionally, but the key is to stay silent and emotionally neutral no matter what.

3. “Chatter” Technique

When the manipulator makes a request, start interrupting and talking about unrelated topics—like the weather, cats, or your vacation. Ask silly, off-topic questions, recite a poem, or even sing a song. The idea is to behave in a way the manipulator doesn’t expect, throwing them off their script.

These three methods are based on the principle of unpredictable behavior. Manipulators expect certain reactions and set “traps” accordingly. When you act differently, you disrupt their plan and disarm them.

Bonus Method: “The Wall”

When someone starts talking to you, imagine a glass wall between you. You can see and hear them, but none of their emotions get through—their feelings bounce off the wall and return to them. You understand what they’re saying (the content), but how they say it (the emotion) doesn’t affect you. It’s like watching fish in an aquarium. Keep this image in mind throughout the conversation. Don’t take the initiative; only answer questions if asked. Otherwise, just listen silently, picturing the wall. The point is to prevent the manipulator from emotionally involving you in their “game.” As long as you stay calm and unflappable, they can’t control your emotions or manipulate you.

Practice these techniques, and soon you’ll notice that negative situations simply disappear from your life!