Who Turns Us Into “Crazies” and “Drama Queens”?

Gaslighting, pointless arguments, total control, “mind reading,” belittling achievements, harsh jokes like “who else will tell you the truth if not me?”—these are just a few of the most well-known forms of emotional abuse.

Let’s take a closer look at them:

1. Gaslighting – This is the deliberate distortion of the victim’s reality. For example, using phrases that make the victim doubt their own sanity: “What are you talking about? That never happened!”, “You must not remember…”, “You imagined it…”, “It’s just your medication affecting your mind…” and so on. Under the manipulator’s influence, the victim starts doubting reality, stops trusting themselves, and becomes dependent on the manipulator, who claims to only want what’s best…
2. Pointless Arguments – Exhausting conversations where it’s unclear how it all started, but the victim is already assumed to be at fault: every attempt to reason with the manipulator leads to a stream of new absurd conclusions, all boiling down to “you’re the idiot, your thoughts are stupid, your parents didn’t raise you right, I always said you don’t know how to communicate, it’s not my fault, it’s all you…” and so on.
3. Total Control – Always knowing where, when, and with whom the victim is, as well as attempts to limit their freedom of movement or communication with others. All of this is presented as concern for the victim: “I worry about who you’re with and where you are…”, “I don’t like that Lena, she’s a bad influence on you…”, “I called, why didn’t you pick up?” and so on.
4. “Mind Reading” – Twisting the victim’s thoughts to fit the manipulator’s narrative: “I feel like you’re being rude to me”, “So you think I’m acting like a selfish jerk?” The manipulator acts as if they know everything about the victim’s thoughts, but always draws conclusions that benefit themselves, making the victim feel guilty.
5. Belittling Achievements – Targeting the victim’s strengths to diminish and further control them: “Yeah, not bad, but I’ve seen better…”, “Nothing special”, “I make that kind of money in five days, not a month like you” and so on. As a result, the victim loses confidence in themselves and their abilities, and questions the value of what they do. Meanwhile, the manipulator stays on top…
6. Harsh Jokes – A manipulative way to mock and belittle someone under the guise of “helping” them: “Who else will tell you that dress looks like a saddle on a cow…”, “Oh, I always forget you don’t have a sense of humor…” When the victim gets upset, they’re accused of being too sensitive: “Come on, it’s just a joke!” But remember, there’s always a grain of truth in every joke.

Emotional abuse isn’t easy to spot.

The victim often feels like they’re overreacting, that it’s just jokes, just concern and care, a desire to help… But the frequent result of such interactions is depression, fear of betrayal, guilt, emotional burnout, mental health issues, alcoholism, drug use, fear of trusting others, and an inability to live happily in harmony with oneself.

How Can You Protect Yourself from Destructive Relationships?

Some might say: “Why suffer? Just cut all ties with that person and be done with it!” That’s great advice, but in 99% of cases, it’s impossible in real life: for some, the manipulator is a close relative, a boss at work, an important client, or even a loved one.

Forewarned is Forearmed

Being aware of these manipulative tactics is the first step to protecting yourself and maintaining your emotional well-being.