Success Killers: How Language Shapes Your Destiny

Neuro-Linguistic Programming (NLP) pays a lot of attention to linguistics—how we talk about things. And we’re always talking about things. Even when we’re reflecting on life alone, we still express our thoughts in words through our inner dialogue. That’s how our thoughts become words, words become actions, actions become habits, habits form character, and character determines our destiny. That’s why it’s so important to pay attention to how we talk about things, even if we’re only talking to ourselves.

What Are the Linguistic Success Killers?

These are the words:

• want
• try
• can’t

Why “Want” Holds You Back

When we say “I want,” we’re expressing our intention to have something, but not our intention to actually get it—or more precisely, to do something to get it. It’s like saying, “I’ll ask Santa for it next Christmas…” As a result, the goals we set after the word “want” end up in a waiting line. We usually call them “wishes.”

When we’re truly determined to achieve something no matter what, we don’t say, “I want to have this.” We say, “I will have this,” or “I’ll do whatever it takes to get this.” Words like “will” or “do” work—and even feel—completely different in our bodies. The way we talk about things in our heads strongly influences how quickly those things appear in our lives. It’s literally the “code” of our priorities—or, in other words, their “weight.”

The Problem with “Try”

With the word “try,” it’s simple. Try pressing the spacebar. Right now. Did you do it? You either pressed it or you didn’t. But to “try to press the spacebar” without actually pressing it is almost impossible. It takes a real “tryer’s” skillset! 😉

Results in the physical world come from changes in the physical world. The word “try” doesn’t exist in the physical world—it’s an abstraction. The only real exception is “trying a new dish.”

You might say, “But pressing the spacebar is one thing, starting a business is another.” Of course. But here’s some good news: we’ve already mastered the two most difficult things in life.

According to scientists, the hardest skills a person ever learns are speaking and walking. Can you imagine how many operations you have to perform at once to fully control your body, balancing on just two points of support? And how hard it is to move your throat, mouth, and tongue muscles quickly enough to turn sounds into words? You don’t even remember learning it—but you did! And you did it without any knowledge or experience at all!

Now, here’s a question: Have you ever seen a child say, “Okay, I’ll try to learn to walk”? No! And do you know why? Because a child doesn’t try. They just do it. Right away. And over time, they get better and better. They never worry about having to learn something new—they don’t even notice! They learn simply by doing what they need to do. Improving the skill comes later.

Don’t say your tasks are harder than a child’s! Compare your experience and knowledge to a child’s, consider the scale, and stop making excuses. 😉

So, the word “try” doesn’t exist in the physical world. You either do it or you don’t. The rest is just mental… not even meditation. 😉

“Can’t” Is Just an Excuse

With “can’t,” it’s even simpler. Unless we’re talking about lifting a truck by yourself without a crane, we’re confusing physics with abstraction. But if you ask yourself, “Why exactly can’t I?” you’ll find that “can’t” is either “don’t want to” or “don’t know how.”

If it’s “don’t want to,” that’s a matter of being honest with yourself. (You can tell others “I can’t” as much as you want, but all adults know that “can’t” is just a polite way of saying “won’t,” and they’ll politely reply, “I understand…” 😉)

If you’re stuck at “don’t know how,” ask a child learning to walk how you should live your life from now on. 😉

In Summary

Let’s be honest with ourselves. If we really need something, we have all the opportunities to get it, and we’ll do whatever it takes. If we haven’t done it yet, maybe we don’t want it that much. In that case, admit it to yourself and choose something else—something you want more and will actually pursue, instead of just dreaming about it or asking Santa for it. Ultimately, everyone chooses whether to live in illusions or in reality.

Self-Reflection Question

Almost a month has passed since the beginning of the year. What have you already done during this time to move toward your goal?