How to Criticize Effectively
Criticism is a delicate matter. Consider the following story: An experienced engineer, leading a software development team, was presenting the results of months of hard work to the company’s Vice President of Product Development. His team, who had worked tirelessly week after week, stood by his side, proud to showcase the fruits of their labor. But when the engineer finished his presentation, the VP responded with a sarcastic question: “How long ago were you kicked out of grad school? These specs are laughable. They won’t get past my desk.”
The engineer, crushed and confused, sat in silence for the rest of the meeting. His team made a few sharp remarks in defense of their work. Soon after, the VP was called away, abruptly ending the meeting and leaving everyone with a sense of bitterness and frustration.
For the next two weeks, the engineer couldn’t stop thinking about the VP’s comments. Discouraged and demoralized, he was convinced he’d never be trusted with an important project again and even considered quitting, despite loving his job.
Eventually, the engineer approached the VP, reminded him of the meeting, and explained how demoralizing the comments had been. He carefully asked, “I’m a bit confused because I don’t understand what you were trying to achieve. I assume you weren’t just trying to throw me off—was there something else on your mind?”
The VP was surprised; he had no idea his offhand remark had such a devastating effect. In fact, he thought the software plan was promising but needed refinement; he never intended to reject it outright. He simply hadn’t realized how poorly he’d communicated his feedback or how much it hurt. He apologized, albeit belatedly.
The Importance of Feedback
This story highlights the importance of feedback—information people need to guide their efforts in the right direction. In systems theory, “feedback” originally meant sharing information about how one part of a system is functioning, so that any part veering off course can be corrected. In any company, every employee is part of the system, and feedback is the lifeblood of the organization. It keeps people informed about how their work is going—whether things are on track, need fine-tuning, or require a complete overhaul. Without feedback, people are left in the dark, unaware of how their boss or colleagues view them or what’s expected of them, which only makes problems worse over time.
Criticism is one of a manager’s most essential—and most daunting—responsibilities. Yet, like the sarcastic VP, many leaders lack the crucial skill of delivering effective feedback. This shortcoming is costly: just as a couple’s emotional health depends on how well they resolve conflicts, workplace productivity and satisfaction depend on how criticism is delivered and received. The way criticism is expressed and perceived largely determines how satisfied people are with their jobs, colleagues, and managers.
The Worst Way to Motivate
Emotional volatility, common in marriages, also appears in the workplace. Criticism often comes as personal attacks rather than actionable feedback, laced with sarcasm and contempt. This leads to defensive behavior, avoidance of responsibility, and, ultimately, either stony silence or passive resistance from those who feel wronged. Business consultants note that one of the most destructive forms of workplace criticism is a sweeping accusation like, “You messed up everything,” delivered in a harsh, irritated tone, without giving the person a chance to respond or improve. Such criticism leaves employees feeling helpless and resentful.
From an emotional intelligence perspective, this kind of criticism shows a complete lack of awareness of the feelings it provokes and its demoralizing effect on motivation, energy, and self-confidence. Studies of managers who admitted to lashing out at employees found that such attacks led to defensive reactions, excuses, or avoidance. Employees would often withdraw, avoiding any contact with the manager who berated them. If examined closely, these employees would likely be found to be ruminating on their victimhood or righteous anger—reactions similar to those of spouses who feel unfairly attacked. Physiologically, they might even show signs of “flooding,” reinforcing these thoughts. This cycle often ends with the employee quitting or being fired—the business equivalent of a divorce.
In a study of 108 managers and white-collar workers, inappropriate criticism was cited as a more common cause of workplace conflict than distrust, personality clashes, or disputes over power and pay. An experiment at Rensselaer Polytechnic Institute demonstrated the damage sarcastic criticism can do to working relationships. Volunteers tasked with creating an ad for a new shampoo received one of two types of feedback: one was serious and specific, the other was threatening and attacked personal abilities (“You didn’t even try; you can’t do anything right” or “There’s no talent here. I’ll find someone else for this job”). Those who received the personal attacks became tense, hostile, and said they would refuse to work with the critic in the future. Many wanted to cut off all contact, feeling the need to build a wall. Harsh criticism so demoralized them that they no longer felt capable of doing the job well.
Many managers are quick to criticize but stingy with praise, leaving employees feeling that they only hear from their boss when they make mistakes. This tendency is often due to managers delaying feedback until problems have built up. As psychologist J.R. Larson notes, “Most performance problems don’t arise suddenly; they build up over time. If a boss doesn’t express their feelings early, frustration grows. Then, one day, they explode. If criticism had been given earlier, the employee could have fixed things. People often only criticize when things are out of control and they’re too irritated to hold back. That’s when they criticize in the worst way, bringing up a long list of grievances in a harsh, sarcastic tone or making threats. Such attacks have unintended negative consequences. They’re perceived as insults, so the recipient gets angry in return. This is the worst way to motivate.”
How to Criticize Skillfully
Let’s consider a better approach. Skillful criticism is one of the most effective ways to provide useful information. For example, the VP could have said to the software developer: “The main issue at this stage is that your plan takes too long to implement, which increases costs. I’d like you to reconsider your proposal, especially the specs for improving the software, and find a way to get the same work done faster.” This kind of feedback would have had the opposite effect of destructive criticism: instead of making the employee feel useless and resentful, it would have left hope for improvement and pointed out where to start.
Effective criticism focuses on what has been done and what can be improved, without interpreting poor work as a character flaw. As Larson notes, “Hostile attacks on character—calling someone stupid or incompetent—miss the mark. You immediately put them on the defensive, and they won’t hear anything else you have to say about fixing the problem.” This advice is identical to what’s given to couples trying to resolve conflicts.
When it comes to motivation, if people believe their failures are due to some unchangeable personal flaw, they lose hope and stop trying to improve. Remember: failures are the result of circumstances, and we can change them to achieve better results.
Tips for Giving Constructive Criticism
Harry Levinson, a psychoanalyst and corporate consultant, offers the following advice for giving criticism, closely tied to praise:
- Be specific. Use concrete examples to illustrate the main issue or deficiency, such as an inability to perform certain parts of a task well. People get discouraged if they’re told they’re doing “something” wrong without knowing what it is or how to fix it. Focus on details, pointing out what was done well, what wasn’t, and how to improve. Avoid vague or evasive comments, as they only confuse the message. This is similar to the “XYZ” principle for couples: always state exactly what the problem is, what’s not working, or how it makes you feel, and what can be changed. “Specificity,” Levinson emphasizes, “is equally important for both praise and criticism.”
- Offer solutions. Constructive feedback should point the way to solving the problem. Otherwise, it leads to frustration and demotivation. Criticism can reveal opportunities or alternatives the person hadn’t considered, but it should include suggestions for addressing the issues.
- Be present. Both criticism and praise are most effective when delivered face-to-face. Those uncomfortable with giving feedback may prefer to do it in writing, but this depersonalizes communication and denies the recipient a chance to respond or clarify.
- Show empathy. Be mindful of how your words and delivery will affect the person hearing them. Levinson notes that managers who lack empathy are most likely to give feedback in a hurtful way. The result is destructive: instead of opening the way to improvement, it triggers negative emotions, defensiveness, and coldness.
How to Respond to Criticism
Levinson also offers advice for those on the receiving end of criticism:
- View criticism as valuable information about how to do your job better, not as a personal attack.
- Watch for the urge to get defensive instead of taking responsibility. If the situation is too upsetting, ask to continue the conversation later, after you’ve had time to process and calm down.
- See criticism as an opportunity to work together with the critic to solve the problem, not as a negative situation.
All this wise advice mirrors the guidance given to couples trying to resolve complaints without undermining their relationship. In short, the workplace is a lot like a marriage.