How to Manipulate People
They say that influence is the most important of all arts, as it can give a person power over others. The art of influence is one of the main skills of successful people. Here are the key principles for influencing others.
Reciprocity
Since ancient times, even before the invention of currency, humanity relied on barter. Although much time has passed, the concept of barter or mutual exchange is deeply ingrained in the human mind. There is an unspoken rule: if one person gives something to another, the latter feels obliged to give something in return. Anthropologists believe that this principle of reciprocity is what turned ape-like creatures into social beings, and society tends to look down on those who do not follow this rule. As a result, people do everything they can to avoid being seen as ungrateful or rude. If you press on someone’s sense of guilt or duty, you can be sure that person will feel obligated, thus triggering the mechanism of manipulation. Stores and supermarkets that offer free samples are well aware of this aspect of human psychology. A friendly smile, a free product, and the person is already buying what they need.
Appealing to Vanity
Most people strive to stick to their stated principles and actions in society. The well-known psychologist Fritz Heider called this the balance theory: almost everyone wants to have similar views to those they like, and different views from those they dislike or feel indifferent toward. To gain someone’s sympathy, it’s believed you should share similar views, hobbies, or tastes. Marketers use this principle to generate genuine interest in their products by hiring actors and beloved TV characters for advertisements. For example, a beautiful woman might be used to advertise nicotine products, while politicians, promoting their candidacy, can spend hours talking about family and spirituality, creating cognitive dissonance and lowering people’s guard.
The Principle of the Hidden Request and the Rule of Triple Agreement
The rule of triple agreement states that if a person agrees with you twice, they are likely to agree a third time. For example, if you want someone to help you with a favor, start by asking questions with hidden requests. If you want to borrow money from a friend, first ask hypothetically if they are willing to help with a request, then ask if they believe it’s important to help a close friend, and only on the third time make your actual request. This mechanism works reliably: a person who has agreed twice is very likely to agree a third time.
Flattery
Flattery is one of the most effective methods of manipulation. The process works like this: when someone receives praise, they subconsciously start trying to live up to those expectations, fearing to disappoint. Such a person feels partially obligated and is afraid to let others down.